When you go on the first vacation without your children, you feel so

I'm going to Ibiza and I'm taking: my girlfriend. I'm leaving at home: my whole family. That feels incredibly strange and it's more exciting than I thought.

Every year I go to the Spanish island for a few days to, well, not drink much water and not sleep much, so to speak. Last year I was pregnant and we decided to postpone it. And now the moment is here: we are going to Ibiza. Back to the island, tutututu. But my children and my husband stay at home and the first time away as a mother is quite a thing to swallow. I'm looking forward to those few days for myself and a few days of partying like I used to. Days of chatting and days of laughing with a friend. It's a gift after everything I've experienced this year. And my husband is at home so it will all be fine, , it's the dumbest thing that exists, but start at the beginning. Are you cleaning your house?. But I also dread it because I now have two sweetest little boys that I can't take with me and that I will miss. I miss them already when I'm watching TV on the couch and they are just lying in their bed for an hour. Yes, really, the mother I thought I would never become... I have become that.

I text my sister about my homesickness feelings, which I already have even before the vacation starts. She calls me a clingy mother, sends eight laughing crying emojis, and says it's good for me, that one time a year to not be busy with diapers and pacifiers and sleeping bags and porridge and onesies in the washing machine. She's right. I am also a clingy mother, I think, but well, that's just how it is. I just can't be without my babies. I always want to see them and cuddle and kiss them and have them with me and then suddenly sit in a hotel for four days in another country... It feels like I'm betraying them. I know, I'm exaggerating. But I can't help it. This is just what clingy mothers think.

So: help. I'm going and I'm really looking forward to it, but I find it so difficult to let go of the mothering. It's my favorite role in my life. Of course, I'm going to enjoy it. Of course, I'm going to have fun. And maybe it's good to recharge, to refuel. Then I can start again with fresh courage for those broken nights. But oh, that knot in my stomach...

Will they be old enough for a weekend in Ibiza next year?