Kiki's Diet Diary
Hey cutie. Nice that you're back in the game this week. A week in which I have recovered quite a bit after my slight crisis from last week (just read here) the counterattack has worked: I feel strong and fit again. I even got asked this week if I (help) am pregnant. “Not because of your belly, but you have a glow, Kiek!” Aaaaah okay, then it's good. You see: I love glow. But preferably J.Lo-glow if possible.
Speaking of J.Lo: that backside is still a work in progress, but I really see a difference compared to a few weeks ago. According to my personal trainer Steve, I'm starting to lose centimeters in the toughest spots: my thighs, hips, and even calves. Woohoo, sounds like something that needs to be celebrated with TAAR- okay, joke. Speaking of food: I slightly adjusted my vegan regime last week because after nine weeks of going hard, I just really felt like having sashimi and a glass of wine. It should be possible.
Just to be able to keep it up, it has to stay fun. Yesterday, our super intern Lysanne said goodbye (awww) and she brought me a vegan banana cake. A few weeks ago, I would have thought: no sugar, Kiek, no sugar, but now I accepted it. My biggest gain is not in the kilos, but in knowledge. I have control because thanks to the program from Book Your Trainer, I learned what is in food, allowing you to have control while still enjoying life. Once you understand the formula, you can have both.
“Kiek, how many kilos have you lost now? Eight? Ten? Twelve? Aren't you incredibly happy that your body is changing so much?” a question I often see in my inbox. I could say now: yes that's right, almost ten. But actually, I want to say: feeling good in your skin has absolutely nothing to do with kilos as far as I'm concerned. Before Steve asked me if we wanted to embark on this adventure together (and I was two clothing sizes bigger than now), I was also happy with my body. Yes okay, maybe that flat office butt could use a lift and celebrated Olga the Double Chin its heyday: still, I was happy with my body. Of course, we millennials question terms like ‘bikini body’. Who decides that? When is a body good enough? It suddenly reminds me of that beautiful, last trip…
In December, I was in Bali. I posted (nah, okay, had to think three times) a photo in my bikini. Something I normally don't do very quickly, but I thought it was a beautiful photo so I thought: fuck it, let’s do it. For others, maybe totally no issue, but for me it was. It feels naked, as if everyone is looking at you. And automatically you start – welcome to the wonderful world of women – comparing your body to others and you're afraid that others will also have something to say about your body.
Do I not have saggy breasts? Does my belly button not look weird? Are belly buttons even weird things? Should I not make that summery, cozy love handle a little less present? Should I not have done a little less indulgent last summer? The answer: no. I was happy, actually. And that is exactly what I still see when I look at this photo.
Whether you're talking about size 42 or 34: confidence is not in a clothing size, but in your head. That's what I stand for. At 14, there was no fat roll to be seen on my body, but I was still more insecure than I am now. Some find happiness in the gym, others in a cheese soufflé. I belonged to category 2 (with peanut sauce DUH), although I now realize that one doesn't have to exclude the other.. I can and may enjoy both because I notice a change in my behavior. I feel fierce.
And I hope – even if it's just on a micro level for everyone reading this column – that I can show you that even someone who never exercised or paid attention to her diet can transform in nine weeks. If you think on March 14: I'm done, I want to feel tighter in my skin, then you can buy a new summer wardrobe in May, trust me.
Thank you everyone for the sweet messages lately (also all the anti-smoking brigades by the way, no, I still haven't touched a cigarette!). I feel so energetic and high on life that I would personally like to run to all your doors to exchange personal experiences and kisses, but hey, that's even too big a task for this um fit girl. Catching up in my mailbox is always welcome: kiki@amayzine.com
Until next week!
P.S.: Heart at the bottom if you're also Team. Fucking. Cheese Soufflé.
