Outdoor sex: the do's and don'ts
At the moment the thermometer hits above 25, something crazy happens on the street. People get horny. One moment you're walking through the woods together and the next moment you're fiddling with a half-naked butt under a tree. Well, outdoor fun. Horny to the power of two and super exciting, but not entirely without risk. Therefore: a guide on how to safely get it on outside.
Don’t: busy public places
If you're pulling each other apart in the bushes at Vondelpark, suddenly you're face to face with Madelief, eight years old, playing hide and seek with her little sister. There you are, behaving yourself and creating a childhood trauma. You don't want that.
Do: find the right spot
With a bit of research, you can easily drive to that nature park where hardly anyone passes by except for a lost cyclist, so you won't make anyone awkward or disturb them and still experience the outdoor sex feeling . You keep an eye on the left, he/she on the right? Let’s goooooo.
Don’t: wear pants
It's just a hassle and not practical for your acrobatic ideas. This brings me to the next point...
Do: loose clothing
Or even better: a short skirt. You immediately have all areas within reach. If you really want to be the naughty girl next level, the real daredevil skips the underwear too. Hatsakee.
Don’t: think you have ‘time’
Newsflash: you don't. They don't call it a quickie for nothing. So skip the appetizer and speed towards the main course. An extra don't from the house: leave those primal screams behind. Outdoor sex = quiet sex. The last thing you want is someone coming over to ask if everything is okay over there by that tree.
Do: bring wet wipes
A smart girl is prepared for everything, to tidy up nicely afterwards. Of course, that's not doable if you have a spontaneous quickie. Unless you happen to have makeup wipes in your bag...
Do: on all fours
Well, however you turn it, this is by far the best outdoor position. If you still want to go missionary – or do something else, at least bring a blanket. You can use that as a transparency cape à la Harry Potter.
And last but not least: you don't want to think about it, but what do you do if you get caught? Make sure you have a few top excuses ready. Your shoelaces got tangled together and then you fell on each other. She got startled by a coot (or sheep) and needed to catch her breath between your legs. You wanted to see if your lipstick color matched his new pants; you know the drill: that kind of stuff.
Happy humping!
P.S.: These are the real top spots to roll around outside.
