The psychology behind why you sometimes feel less like having sex

It may sometimes not happen for a month or two, and then it happens six times in a week. Sex is and remains unpredictable. Because then there are the kids. The stress at work. The hangover. The full weekend. And what makes it difficult: in every relationship the libidos are different. One person simply wants it more often than the other, usually. But why is that actually? There is a psychology behind it.

It turns out that especially women have sex more often in a relationship with the goal of ‘pleasing’ the other. They want the relationship to go well, they don’t want to lose their love, and therefore they just do a quickie. This makes them feel more secure in their relationship. But yes, that doesn’t necessarily lead to more desire for that person themselves. Then it’s just a chore and not fun. It’s precisely when both of you really have desire that it becomes a nice game, and then you’ll want to do it more often.

It is therefore especially important that both lovebirds enjoy the party in bed. Men can also focus too much on their partner's climax, causing them to forget to enjoy themselves or see it as an obligation. This seems to quickly lead to less sex in a relationship, because it always feels like something they do for the other. Difficult, and according to relationship psychologists, a common problem. Experts say it’s best to have sex because you enjoy it yourself, because this way you make the most of it faster and want to do it more often. If you do it just to make your partner happy, it can take a month or so before you feel that ‘desire’ again.

So, if there is little action in the taxi talk about it. Make sure it becomes a fireworks show for both of you. Because then it definitely tastes like more. And more often. Much more fun.