Why do we like the people we like?

I am so fond of that close-knit group of women around me that I can always rely on. They are always there. And more importantly: with whom I can always laugh.

Yet, as a psychologist, I sometimes wonder: why is it that I find that one person so incredibly nice and want to share my life with them and not with another? What makes a friend a friend? And also: what does science say about maintaining a friendship? Because making friends is one thing, but supporting each other through all life phases and being able to keep laughing despite every bump in the road, that's what it's all about, right?

According to psychologists, true friendship consists of a number of points. Number one: you must have fun together. It should give you energy when you are with that person. If it costs you energy, it won't last long. Number two: the friendship consists of giving and receiving. She brings soup when you are sick, you call her to ask how her job interview went. You always do something for each other, every day.

Okay, but how do you keep a friendship warm and cozy when, well, life sometimes gets in the way? Your partner, your other friends, your colleagues, your busy job, your children ... Experts compare friends to plants: you need to water them and put them in the sunlight, otherwise they won't stay beautiful. But it's also not a problem if you lose sight of them for a while. As long as it doesn't happen for too long. It's the same with true friends. You need to make time for each other and continue to appreciate each other. Watering by showing interest. A friendship needs attention: you can't be away for a year and do your own thing and then expect everything to be the same. Time is therefore a key word if you don't want to lose a friend. Make time , for that other person.

, if that other person is worth it to you.

Why do we find someone nice? Why is your girlfriend your girlfriend and not my best friend? That's because we all seek equality: you look for recognition in someone with whom you want to share your time. You look for a personality that matches yours. Yes, actually, your friends are each a copy of who you are. And distance also matters: the closer you live to each other, the easier it often goes. That has to do with that time. Someone who lives three provinces away or even in another country can still be a valuable friend, but it is more difficult to meet up. And you need that real contact.

Friendship is and remains something tricky. You can't live without friends, but you can't have too many either. Science says: you have three to five people in your life who are very close to you and who know you inside out. And with about ten people, you have a close friendship. And then you know about thirty more people that you speak to occasionally. More doesn't fit in your life, and that's okay.