Why it's okay to be ‘people tired’ sometimes
The best part of vacation might just be that whole ‘not having to do anything’. And by nothing, we also mean socially nothing in this case.
Taking a break from all your friends every now and then isn't so crazy, as scientific research shows. Of course, you love everyone in your life; otherwise, those people wouldn't be in your life, but sometimes you can just be ‘people tired’ and that's okay. That's not weird. Everyone knows it: stress caused by all your loved ones around you. By all the dear parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, grandfathers, in-laws, best friends, colleagues, acquaintances, friends of your friend, old friends and new friends who want something from you. Even if it's just time, attention, and love. You want to give that to everyone too, but it just doesn't work. Being too social can actually work against your mental health. For real.
Having too many friends is compared in psychology to ‘having a part-time job’. It's officially called ‘role strain’ when you're people tired, or ‘role tension’. You have too many friends and too many social contacts that you want to maintain, which makes you feel like you're always failing in one role. You can't have coffee with everyone at the same time and offer a listening ear to everyone in times of need and drink wine with everyone on Friday at the pub and also visit your beloved grandma every Friday. You can't see everyone every week. You can't attend every family gathering and in-law birthday. The ultimate problem: time. According to Dr. Brian Gillespie, a sociology professor, that role tension can seriously frustrate you because you feel like ‘you constantly have social obligations that drain your energy’. Friendship suddenly becomes a ‘must’. You feel that you can't be the best friend, the best daughter, the best sister, and the best partner for everyone at the same time, and that's why you feel down and become more depressed and susceptible to anxiety disorders.
The solution? According to experts, it's better to have a few best friends and invest your time in them than to try to maintain large groups of good friends. That simply doesn't work alongside a partner, job, and possibly children. And that's not weird either. Or bad. Or a disaster.
It's definitely something of this time: having a kind of social burn-out. Always being ‘on’ for friends going through a break-up, friends moving, friends who want to work out with you, friends who have stress at work, friends who can't find work... Your phone beeps all day long. Then you have to calm this one down, help that one, then go paint over there. Psychologists also recommend long vacations. After that, you can tackle it again with full enthusiasm: your listening ear is recharged and ready for some drama. But choose wisely whom you listen to. The wise lesson from the high smart folks: better to have two good best friends around you than two handfuls of mediocre friends. ‘Makes your life a lot more relaxed.’
Source: Elle
