Why women always say ‘all is well’

Suppose you can barely get out of bed because you haven't slept. You feel ragged, almost falling apart from nausea, fatigue, weakness and pain.

Then a colleague asks how it is. Or your friend apps you with the same question. ‘Yes, I'm fine, with you!’ We reply en masse. Always. We also say it to the girl in the coffee shop. ‘Joe, everything okay, yeah, you?’ Or when our mothers call. Why? Why don't women just say it honestly when they don't feel well for once? We all have a crying day, a bad day or a genuinely dramatic shitty day when everything is fails and is heavy. But talking about it honestly, ho. Imagine. How come?

This question has been asked for decades and psychologists now have some answers to it. In particular, women say everything is fine because they don't feel like being known as a poser. With anyone. They want to appear strong and so they hold themselves up to the outside world. At least 57 per cent of women lie once a day. Whether it's about their feelings or not, we sometimes just chat things up too. At least 27 per cent of women sometimes say ‘I'm fine’ when it is untrue: so we women often lie about our emotions. Men are more likely to lie about things they should have done but didn't: at least 45 per cent of male folk do this daily. As in: ‘Yes, I already took care of my tax return, honey, really.’ Not so. Men lie more often anyway: an average of three times in a day.

Then there is another difference between men and women. A man seems to lie because they want to make life easier that way. Especially for themselves, of course, but they also don't feel like hurting others and then having to have difficult conversations. Hop, lie in. But a whopping 71 per cent of women say they lie because they want to hide their true feelings: so they lie more for themselves, to keep their cool protect image. Add to that the fact that we live in an age where everyone on social media is always handsomely handsome and fit, fun, tanned and on holiday, and you guessed it. No one says honestly anymore, ‘I'm doing darn bad today, how are you?’.

Well, here it comes, my advice from this lousy day. I find women incredibly strong and suddenly, as of now, have a lot of respect for any woman who has brought a child into the world. And especially for women who gave birth to two children at the same time. Because it is not easy, and it is difficult, awkward, uncomfortable, painful, uncomfortable and uncomfortable. And it takes láng, nine months. But complaining about it? We don't. We could do more as women, be more honest, as far as I'm concerned. But no one will listen to that anyway. So this one is for every woman who has a tough time and doesn't whine about it, or say anything about that big setback. Or who sulks and moans and squeals about a down day. You are strong. Secretly stronger than everyone realises.