Awkward: how do you say it when you don't like something during sex?

Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about aaaall the good things and the bad things… Yes, we are indeed going to talk about sex. Not about the dirty talk, but about the communication that can sometimes still be quite difficult or awkward. Especially when you are just getting to know each other and discovering each other. Because what if that really nice man or woman is getting hands-on with you as if a Rubik's Cube needs to be solved and does it with conviction? Maybe even a hint of arrogance. Pointing to the door?

That is obviously a bit exaggerated. It sounds very cliché, but honesty is always the way to go, even in bed. But that doesn't mean that honesty is the same as being tactless. Especially in bed, you are quite vulnerable, as you are literally and figuratively exposing yourself. But it should also be fun (and pleasurable) and it can of course be that this is in a different way than you are used to or what is desired for both of you. Especially when you are just starting to discover each other a bit. The absolute no-go is therefore that tactless honesty. It’s good to express your preferences, but hurting someone is not what you want.

You can naturally give directions while you are lying in bed together and clearly indicate when he or she has found the right spot. Unfortunately, not everyone has a good sense of direction and not everyone knows how to pick up directions well, but this is indeed the most subtle way to approach this. With — hopefully — immediate results. And again; also let it be known when that person is doing it right. By not indicating what you like, your bed partner can also hardly guess what you don't like. So when you are fully engaged with each other, even then communication is key.

If that communication in bed goes awry, it doesn't mean you shouldn't address it at all. However, addressing it might be a bit more awkward, which is why the first step for me personally is always: have a glass of wine. Maybe during a movie night or when you are out together for an evening including drinks. You are just a bit more relaxed and at ease, in other words, a better timing to have these kinds of conversations. In any case, it is always better (also for the atmosphere) to focus on the good. Ask your bed partner what he or she really enjoys in bed, what perhaps the fantasies are or what he/she is completely wild about. Conversely, you should also share that. For example, does he/she have a habit of sneaking a finger in the backdoor and is something anal your absolute turn-off in bed? Then say that you don't necessarily like anal sex (but do like… fill in yourself). This way, you don't attack someone personally and immediately indicate what makes you happy.

So focus mainly on the things that you both do enjoy and don't be ashamed to make those things clear. Having sex together is for your pleasure and enjoyment, so there’s a small chance that your bed partner will be happy if you are counting down until it’s over. And you can finish it yourself.