If you're too happy: toxic optimism is a thing these days

Say honestly: are you an extreme optimist or do you often see the storm hanging above first?

Most people will be somewhere in between: you can't always be happy, puppy, and cheerful. You also can't always complain, whine, and grumble. So sometimes you're an optimist, sometimes a pessimist. Está bien, as they beautifully say in Spain, where I haven't been for too long, due to the pandemic and other valid reasons. But I won't complain further, really.

If you you're talking about optimism, then the psychologist in you will jump for joy, because you think, that's what you need as a person if you want to be happy(er). Be positive, be happy. But no. Being too happy is actually a thing nowadays. It is officially called ‘toxic optimism’. It basically comes down to showing a beautiful exterior to the world, while you're actually not feeling good at all. Justifying everything. Always wanting to act cheerful. Being super enthusiastic about something to the outside world, while you actually think: I couldn't care less. You act happy, you're somewhat happy, but not as happy as you show.

You maintain the appearance of a beautiful picture. Instagram is an excellent example of this. You're lying on the couch with your not-toned belly to post a photo from a past vacation in Spain where you look tanned, slim, and sunny. You throw an extra Coconut Creme filter over it. You add eighteen hearts – and some shrimp and bikinis, because yes, that's this photo. Woohoo, look at you shine. You don't feel like that now, but you do pretend a little.

It goes even further than a fake photo, this toxic optimism. You don't really show yourself in real life and thus you never show your vulnerable sides to anyone. Not even to your loved ones. With you, it's always ‘okay, fine, good!’ You always play nice. You're always that cheerful, up-for-a-glass-of-wine-after-work colleague, that fun sister, that chatty and interested daughter. You think in one-liners like: ‘Never give up!’, ‘I can do this!’ and: ‘Just do it!’ You talk all negative feelings away for yourself. And that's not good: sadness, misery, being grumpy. It's all part of real, unfiltered life.

Accept that. Just like not going on vacation to Spain. But I won't complain further, really.