It's completely okay if you're kind

On the table at my coach lay a large white sheet and a set of markers. While I expertly finished off the bowl of raw nuts, she explained to me what the intention was. I had to write down what I was good at, what my pitfalls were, and so on. Ask me for a profile sketch of friends, colleagues, or family and I will write a book about them, but saying something about myself I find difficult, although I managed to do it with the help of my coach still to make a nice list. Only one word kept sticking in my head. Kind. And was it actually good that I am this way?

I dare to say that I have a big heart, which means that I wish well for the people I love and like. But in a business context, you often hear that you shouldn't be too kind. And I increasingly wonder why? Does being kind detract from being businesslike? Is it perhaps not just fine to be kind? Do you achieve less by being kind? Do people take advantage of you if they see you as kind? I get questions about it.

Success and leadership positions have been reserved for men for decades, who are known for being able to detach emotions from issues. Sometimes I think that would be easier, but I'm not like that. I have emotions and yet I strive for business success. This week I listened to the podcast of Charlotte van ’t Woud, who turned over a million with her businesses this year, and she said she mainly hoped to always remain kind. I thought that was cool. And refreshing. I struggled with whether I should call myself that and whether it's okay for people to see me that way, and she hopes to never lose it. In my eyes, you then become a better person.

It seems as if you, as a woman, have to choose between being tough or settling for a lower position. As if being kind cannot go hand in hand with, for example, leading. Then you also have the crab bucket effect among women (one crab climbs out of the bucket without hesitation, but if there are others, they pull each other down) and you can just forget about being kind. Right? No, new research shows. It turns out that by being kind and supporting people, you might actually get much further in the business world. We just know little about that so far, because research has mostly focused on men.

It turns out being kind is not so bad after all, what a relief.