Jealousy in your relationship is killing: here's how to deal with it

It's childish, downright shitty, you create the biggest drama with it and often it's completely unnecessary. Jealousy. Yet it happens to all of us sometimes. Your sweetheart gives just a bit too much attention to someone else (or worse: only looks at them) and all hell breaks loose.

Dealing with jealousy in a relationship can be tricky. In fact, an excess of jealousy can spoil very (beautiful) relationships. What to do when the green monster comes to visit a bit too often? Then it's time to tackle the beast. Here's how to best deal with jealousy.

Simple yet effective: accept that you are sometimes jealous
Hey, step 1 towards victory is realizing that you are jealous. Because when you are aware of your jealousy, you are evidently mindful enough to recognize your own negative state of being. Step 2 is – and this is the fun part – to accept that emotion. Yes, but HUH? This seems almost impossible, right? You want to jump straight into action? Start a fight? Point at your partner? Project your miserable feelings onto the other? Yes, that's what you want. Will this way of continuously fleeing help you? No. Once you realize that, you are already well on your way to mastering your jealousy.

Realize that jealousy has a function
From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense. In prehistoric times, any ‘intruder’ who just walked into your community could pose a threat. So when you feel threatened (because you fear that someone is ‘more attractive, smarter, funnier’ than you), you instinctively become jealous. You can't necessarily do anything about that right away. But now comes the trick: how you deal with it. What if you accept your jealous feeling without any part? Namasté, buddy, then you're really on the right track.

One step too difficult? Okay. First things first...
Look at the facts on the table. Your partner has been hanging around work too long. Yes, that one colleague was there too. Does that mean he/she is immediately doing something with someone else? Or is that a feeling that resides within you? Test your premature conclusions by looking and listening closely: what is really happening? Is what you think even correct?

Additionally: very important to remember: the silly, green little monster does this too...
At the moment you become jealous (because your partner is looking at someone else, for example), you can start to internalize this. Thinking: okay, crap, he/she doesn't find me attractive anymore. That other person is much more fun. More beautiful. Smarter. See? I'm fat. Ugly. Stupid. Lalalalalala. Do you hear how strange this is? And we did it en masse. Realize that internalizing information has to do with insecurity.

And, finally: it often concerns your own thoughts, not those of your partner
Your sweetheart is not just tired of you, not even if he/she chats with someone else for a moment. Jealousy has destroyed many relationships. Not yours, right? Exactly. We tackle that green friend. Hoppaaaaa.

Image: bymabelphotography