“My stomach kept getting bluer from the pricking”
The life of Tess Hoens is amazing, but even she has things that don't quite go as she had hoped. And she wants to write about that. Because there is already enough of a facade and because honesty helps. Tess has a desire to have children, but getting pregnant is still not working. This week she reflects on the time when she was full of hormones.
After taking various pills with the intention of inducing ovulation but without success, I was now on the Gonal-F injections. Injections that you have to give yourself in your stomach every day. The first time I was afraid I wouldn't dare, would faint, and throw the Gonal things out the window, but I was braver than expected. No, actually it was just a piece of cake.
My doctor had already explained that we would start with a low dosage and that it was quite possible we would have to increase it each time. About three times a week I was in the hospital for an ultrasound to see if it was doing anything, if an egg was growing. After each increase in dosage, another disappointment on the ultrasound monitor. By now I was unbearable, pumped full of hormones at home, read: screaming, crying, and collapsing to the ground when my boyfriend didn't immediately put his plate in the dishwasher. True story. My stomach was getting a bit bluer at the injection site, but my doctor remained convinced it would still work. I didn't... And as had been proven many times before (although I haven't told you all that because I can't keep exhausting you with negativity), I knew my body best and was right again this time.
Mr. Doctor eventually admitted it, and now my boyfriend and I are sitting across from his ever-cheerful face in his office again. His cheerful attitude is often encouraging, but today I would rather hit him with a chair. Does he take me seriously? ‘Say, is it true that because I'm 25 you take more time to try everything? A pill here, a pill there. Increasing dosages. Taking time. Do you test more on me because you think I still have plenty of time?’ His grin fades, his eyebrows come together. ‘Absolutely not, every patient deserves an equally adequate treatment. But because no cause for the ovulation problem can be found in your case, it is also more difficult to find the right treatment.’ Okay, makes sense.
He continues to talk about the options now. It boils down to option 1 being an elephant in a china shop that fills me with hormones but must work. Option 2 is actually a very modest variant that administers the medication very specifically and nuanced. It is a small device that you stick to your body with an infusion that injects the hormones every 90 minutes. He wants to determine with a blood test whether I qualify for option 2. It is a much more expensive treatment, so he wants to be sure first whether it has a chance. I think: yes, now you suddenly want to test first whether it can even work. And we walk to the department to draw blood.
