Real life: ‘I use our joint dog to exert control over my ex’

Judith (34) can't let go of her ex Sam (31). Although she is ashamed that she uses dog Carlos to keep tabs on him.

‘I wanted a child but he wasn't ready yet. The compromise was Carlos, our Rhodesian Ridgeback. Of course, I would have preferred something cute like a toy poodle, but I also wanted to accommodate my boyfriend a bit, so we got a real, sturdy dog. We both love Carlos dearly, but it really was his dog. Long walks, Carlos's head on his lap while we devoured Netflix.

You can keep postponing decisions and keep putting band-aids on wounds, but in the end, I was, oh, I can cry again when I write this, just not his great love. I fear. Otherwise, he would have wanted children, I think. So we broke up. Still as friends, but oh, what pain.

We would share the dog. I would have gladly given him Carlos, but hey, it's also my dog and secondly, Carlos was the ultimate means to have a foot in the door with Sam, my ex. I could see if there was a pair of panties fluttering on the kitchen floor, or if his fridge was particularly full, I could count the empty bottles and just, I could still look into his eyes a bit too long. Even though I was hunched over in pain on the bike with waves of salty moisture streaming down my cheeks, I would do it for him. A life without Sam is impossible for me.

Recently, I just felt that I was starting to lose him. I had picked up Sam and saw that he was prepping his house for a romantic dinner. The table was set, candles were burning, and damn it, if it's not true, he had Norah Jones playing. Our CD. At home, I kept walking in circles, I couldn't find peace. Then I had it. There was something with Carlos. So I texted him. Carlos was very short of breath and made a very strange sound when he coughed. It was totally not like reality, but I know Sam. He lets everything go when it comes to Carlos and he tore over on his Vespa to me. Then, fortunately, Carlos was suddenly much better and I offered him a glass of wine.

He did drink that (checking and sending texts in between, probably to her) and then he left again. I actually disgust myself, this can't go on like this. Maybe it's better that we didn't have children together, because I'm not standing up for myself. Apparently, I'm throwing everything into the fight to win back my great love. With no result and also with a gaping sense of guilt. I think I'll take Carlos for a walk and buy him a nice bone. He deserves it.’

In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Sam and Judith have been changed.