Real life: “No one knows that my boyfriend and I have an open relationship”

Nienke has been in a relationship with Pim for six years. When the relationship hit a rough patch, they decided to try an open relationship. Only no one knows that she has.

“That I didn’t want to lose Pim was clear to me right away. But I also knew that our relationship couldn’t continue like this. We often argued, bickered a lot over small, pointless things, and our sex life seemed almost non-existent, even though we both have always had a high libido. We no longer did fun things together, but mostly apart with our friends.

When this continued for about half a year, we sat down together. Pim was also clear right away: ‘I want to continue with you, and with our relationship.’ But he also admitted that he sometimes missed attention from others. Pim is a bit younger than I am and he hasn’t had a wild dating or sex life, so I really understood that he missed that a bit. Or at least I understand that he feels that way.

I was the one who suggested an open relationship. Pim was quite shocked by that: he knew I was pretty open-minded about these things and that I don’t necessarily believe in monogamy, but I think he didn’t expect me to bring this up. However, he was immediately open to it and he was also quite curious. How would this work? I am absolutely not a jealous person, but I did want him to always be honest with me. Kissing outside is allowed, but I want sex to happen in our house.

So yes, it has happened more than once that he comes home with someone while I am also home and it turns into a threesome. Pim is bisexual, so he has brought both men and women home. And to be honest: it has really added an extra dimension to our relationship.

I don’t often bring people home myself, mainly because I find it so attractive when Pim goes hunting. I see how good that is for his self-confidence and I find him so handsome. To be honest: our relationship has improved tremendously since we decided to have an open relationship.

There is only one downside: we haven’t told anyone. Not because I didn’t want to, my friends would probably not be too surprised, but Pim prefers not to. The idea that his friends know that I also have sex with other men he finds humiliating. I find that a bit superficial, but I respect his choice and keep my mouth shut.

Although it’s only a matter of time before it comes out, of course. After all, we don’t ask our shared bed partners in advance if they know anyone in our circles. If that hasn’t happened yet, it will surely come. I have warned Pim about that, but he doesn’t want to hear anything about it.

Whether we will always keep an open relationship, I can’t say. I only know that it works for us now and that we are both very happy with it.”

In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Nienke and Pim have been changed.