Stay safe: sex with a face mask and faces away from each other?

We really let loose when Rutte and the RIVM allowed us to have one sex buddy per person during the intelligent lockdown, while other countries recommend something different. Or well, let loose completely... Especially on the internet. The fact that the RIVM used the word ‘sex buddy’ is what most people reacted to. So many people that the word was removed from the statement. Apparently, the Netherlands in 2020 is still not ready for the word ‘sex buddy’.

But well, I actually don't think many people thought after this statement: YES, I'm going for it again. The people who had or wanted to have sex were probably already doing it anyway. Just like in the United Kingdom, where it is now leading to problems. The annoying thing is that their advice also leads to some issues. There aren't really many options left.

The advice is as follows: have sex with face masks on and do positions where you are facing away from each other. Okay. Noted. The face masks would be necessary because traces of the coronavirus have been found in sperm and feces, so you won't get that in your mouth. Clear. Understandable. Not very romantic or intimate, but it's better than nothing, I think...

Then the second part of the advice. Positions where you are facing away from each other? Doggy style is of course possible, although one of the two will be facing the other... Is that allowed then? I would suggest position 69, but that seems really awkward if you both have to wear a face mask. Not doable, I would even say. Reverse cowboy is then indeed an option.

But the safest ways according to the English RIVM are to masturbate together, use sex toys (but not too close to each other), and phone or webcam sex. But, they add, make sure you don't appear too clearly on webcam, because otherwise you could be blackmailed with that footage. Oh, and wash your hands for at least twenty seconds before and after sex. Hello, there’s not much fun or spontaneity left like this.

And that rule of not facing each other: we have that here too. Sex workers are required to work with latex gloves and wear face masks. Oral sex is not allowed, and thus no positions where you look at each other. Thanks, corona, really great what you're doing to 2020. I'm keeping my pandapunten but just for a little longer.