Wieke writes a plea for her friend
To get straight to the point: I find this quite difficult to write. Because I see this a lot around me, it often lies very sensitively and therefore automatically receives a lot of criticism. I already told you what it's like to be single in Amsterdam (and especially how terrible dating is here), but I have left out another category, while it also occurs in my group of friends. The situation where someone is the outside partner (or man), in other words, has entered into a relationship with a committed man/woman. It is a recipe for a lot of hate.
That's logical, don't get me wrong. It's also not nice and not okay. But the amount of hate that this outside partner received made me think. Because the man in question received noticeably much less backlash. And that bothers me. I understand the amount of hate that such an affair evokes, but why doesn't the person who is most in the wrong (i.e., the person in a relationship who cheats) have to endure it as much? Surely that is the one who betrays his or her partner? Surely that is the one who makes (usually empty) promises to leave a partner? Of course, both parties are open to something like that and that may not be easy to justify, but I also believe that you cannot stir things up in a good marriage. If someone cheats, something is already completely wrong in the relationship. Cheating is indeed the cowardly way to set someone aside, let that be clear, but then be angry at that cowardice. From a partner...
Objectively speaking: in such a love triangle, there is one person who is completely in the wrong and that is the person who is in a relationship and is expected to be monogamous. If such a person makes a mistake, isn't it a bit strange to blame the outside partner entirely? It's easy to do and that's why it probably happens so often... Much easier to hate someone who has messed up your life and much easier to see what is really going on: your partner has not been faithful to you. In my opinion, that is entirely to blame on that person and no one else. And honestly, I have not seen in any case that that partner ever becomes faithful again. Certainly not if there is love involved, which I have experienced up close; that relationship is no longer salvageable.
The judgment about an outside partner (for lack of a better word) is made so quickly. A terrible person. But maybe it’s not that bad. Love is hard to resist, even if it doesn't deserve a beauty prize. There are never winners in such a situation, but to hate that one person? A waste of energy.
