The phases of a hangover after your 30s
From the glass to a bottle to a hangover, it's an easy path. Although I must admit that this path becomes bumpier after the thirtieth year of life. This granny used to calmly stay out five nights in a row until five in the morning, but that time is over. If I do a clock round now, I have to pay for it with these new phases of a hangover. Believe me, they are of a whole different caliber than those from before.
1. Fear
It starts even before your head hits the pillow for a deep drunken sleep. Out of pure panic, you drink way too much water mixed with ibuprofen, which immediately makes you a bit nauseous too. In the worst feeling, you even mix this with some ORS, although this no longer works and your foggy head knows it.
2. Hope
That one time when you wake up in the middle of the night, your body still plays a little trick on you. It pretends that it’s not so bad. You groan your way to the bathroom, manage to find the toilet for a quick pee, and roll back into bed. Somewhere you still think that if it’s not so bad now, it will surely be over by tomorrow morning.
3. Disbelief
With the official waking up comes the deception, because the hangover came later. You try not to move, because at the bottom of your esophagus, you feel a sour burp that you definitely don’t want to trigger. In your memory, you try to dredge up a moment before your thirtieth when your hangover was also this enormous, but that is nowhere to be found. Anyway, thinking with a pounding head takes an enormous amount of effort.
4. Pity
It’s time for a generous portion of self-pity, because how pathetic is it that last year you could scour the whole city and now you’re floored after a bottle? It’s extremely pathetic. Maybe you’ll even shed a tear out of self-pity. Life is incredibly unfair.
5. Pure despair
It has to go away. You have an adult life with obligations, maybe even children tugging at your sheets. Hangover, get out, disappear, go away. How on earth are you going to get through this day in one piece? Help, heeeeelp!
6. Resistance
Not giving in and just getting up. Come on, you’ve surely had a petite hangover before? With the last bit of bravado, you drag yourself towards the bathroom to brush the dead bird out of your mouth. If you accidentally look in the mirror, a thirty-year older version than last night stares back at you. What the hell happened?
7. Acceptance
As soon as your first hangover after your thirtieth year is over, you know what you have to do: never plan anything the day after alcohol. As a true adult, you have nothing on the agenda today, any children are outsourced, and you only need to do a bit of obligatory Netflixing.
A girl laughing while holding a cup with a building in the background tough luck, because that hangover sometimes really lasts longer than a day.
