These 5 things you better not do in a relationship

My favorite Canadian psychologist Nawal Mustafa regularly shares handy tips on her Instagram. Often about love, mental health, and how to deal with difficult situations. A nice break during the aimless scrolling. Today I came across an interesting post where she gives advice on building a healthy relationship with your partner. From her own experiences, books, and training, she shares a few things you better not do. So read carefully.

1. Projecting your insecurities onto your partner
This is something we all do sometimes, for example on days when we don't feel great. You feel insecure and project this onto your partner, often through accusations like: you don't find me attractive anymore, do you? This makes no sense and is unpleasant for both you and your partner. Sure, it can happen once in a while, but definitely not too often. Instead, learn to understand what triggers you on such days and try to ask your partner for help. Look for a solution together, but don't project your own insecurities onto your loved one.

2. Assuming your partner can read your mind
Even if you and your partner think you know each other inside out, you can never read each other's minds. Especially when you are annoyed by something you have never communicated about, it is unreasonable to think that your partner knows exactly what you expect. Imagine you are walking in the park with your loved one. Your partner is on their phone during the walk but doesn't realize that you are annoyed by this. In such a case, clearly express your needs, because your partner really can't sense everything. If you calmly explain to your partner that you prefer to walk without distractions, I am sure that phone will be put away in no time. So keep expressing yourself and don't bottle up irritations. This also applies the other way around: don't make assumptions about how your loved one sees you, but ask about their thoughts or feelings if you want to know something. Such conversations may not always be easy, but it's better than escalating tensions.

3. Trying to control your partner
Setting certain boundaries can be nice to a certain extent, but wanting to exert too much control over your partner will not benefit the relationship at all. Think not only about checking each other's phones but also about giving your unsolicited opinion on what your partner wears, who they hang out with, or how they like to spend their time. The chances are quite high that this control causes a lack of trust and autonomy, which can ultimately ruin the relationship. Instead, learn to trust your loved one, respect their individuality, and build a transparent yet respectful relationship.

4. Wanting to solve everything for your partner
Of course, we want to help the people we love, but sometimes it's better to simply listen when your partner has a problem. We often give well-meaning advice or try to put the situation into perspective, while your loved one probably feels more the need to be seen and heard. Try to give the other person space to express themselves when they are struggling without immediately thinking of solutions.

5. Putting your partner's needs first
When you are in love, you quickly do everything for someone else, which is a beautiful thing to a certain extent, but it is absolutely not the intention that your loved one's needs cause you to neglect yourself. When you ignore your own needs, you often end up feeling irritated and angry at your partner. A simple example: you want to go to bed on time because you are dead tired, but your loved one wants to watch a movie together. You decide to watch anyway because it is nice for your partner. In the end, you are the one who wakes up dead tired and grumpy the next day. See, that doesn't help anyone, in other words: protect your own boundaries within your relationship.

source: thebraincoach