The 8 characteristics of a healthy relationship
Lately, I've been reading everywhere on the internet about toxic relationships. Very handy and good, because this way you can recognize them better and better. A healthy, happy relationship is of course what you want. But is there a yardstick for that? According to psychologists, yes: they believe that a healthy relationship must at least meet eight characteristics. That sounds like a lot, but it's actually quite manageable. Many things from the checklist below are (hopefully) self-evident in your relationship.
1. Mutual respect for each other's boundaries
Seems pretty obvious to me, but you still hear quite a bit that people cross their own boundaries due to infatuation. So don't do that.
2. Open communication
I am a big fan of this after having been in a relationship with someone who either played nice or got very angry at the first difficult conversation. Open communication can be difficult, especially for someone who grew up in a family where little was talked about and/or where there were many conflicts. However, that doesn't mean they are not capable of open communication; it just takes effort, dedication, and experience (hey ex, are you reading along?). Also, to achieve point number one, you need to meet this point. How else do you know each other's boundaries if you can't talk about serious topics?
3. It can feel boring
No relationship is 24/7 fireworks. That seems quite exhausting to me, to be honest. Still, it can cause unrest in people when a relationship starts to feel boring: especially for those who have grown up with a lot of chaos or who struggle with anxiety. You also have to work on accepting that boredom. Some relationships thrive on a lot of arguments (because they then become completely chaotic again), but you don't want that. This is a characteristic of a toxic relationship, and we want to avoid that.
4. Knowing how to argue
Instead of both going in with a straight leg, the art is to argue constructively. Solution-oriented, rather than just making your own point. Being honest with each other, but not wanting to punish the other if they have done something wrong. And definitely not being sarcastic or passive-aggressive.
5. Both putting in equal energy into the relationship
A relationship is hard work, period. But you both have to do that: there needs to be a good balance. This applies to both the energy you put in and the actual tasks. Dependence in a relationship is not what we want because that again belongs to a... Yes, you guessed it: toxic relationship.
6. Feeling understood
This also sounds quite logical, yet it is far from self-evident. You often hear (well, especially in romantic films) that two people feel attracted to each other because they just ‘understand’ each other. A concept that cannot be learned; it must exist in your relationship, and you cannot force it, but it is essential for a healthy relationship.
7. Trust and safety
Yes, this also sounds so logical; you need to feel safe with your partner. And you should have the idea that you, as a person, also have the freedom to do what you want and to grow as a person. Your partner should support you in that instead of belittling you. And cheating is of course the complete opposite of this. We don't want that, and it doesn't belong in a healthy relationship.
8. Intimacy beyond sex
Sex is not the only way to create intimacy: it can also be through shared interests and passions. That one little thing that only the two of you can talk about for hours, for example. But rituals also fall under this; something that is yours.
Source: Psychology Today
