The forbidden word in your relationship

This week I wrote about the phrase you shouldn't use in a relationship. At least if you want that relationship to last for a while. Aside from that phrase there is also a word that is strongly discouraged if you have ‘live happily ever after’ high on your priority list. And that is the word ‘always’. Now there isn't really anything wrong with the word ‘always’, but it is when you use it in a negative sense.

‘You always put your laundry on the floor.’ ‘You always react so fiercely!’ ‘You always run to your ex.’ If you use the word ‘always’ in an attacking sentence, the chance of reaching a compromise is quite small. You might as well stand in front of the china cabinet, because the chance is high that you will be throwing plates around the room within five minutes.

Moreover, the other person will always be able to mention a moment when they didn't put the laundry on the floor/reacted fiercely/ran to their ex, and then you are three-nil behind again.

Better to say: ‘Sometimes you can react fiercely,’ or even better: ‘Your reaction comes across as quite fierce to me,’ ‘Today I really didn't like that your laundry was on the floor’ etc. Then you give the other person space to admit it, to stand tall, and still say sorry. If you come at them with your ‘always’, the other person will definitely go on the defensive.

So remember: if you have an argument, the word ‘always’ is never a good idea.