8x things you do when you can't stand horror movies

Last night I didn't sleep a wink and I can tell you exactly why. Before going to bed (the worst idea ever) I watched The Black Phone, that new horror movie by Scott Derrickson. For those in the know: this is the same director who once made Sinister and I can say with certainty that this one is just as gruesome.

I can hardly believe it myself, but I used to be the absolute biggest fan of horror. Every Friday, I would go to the cinema with my high school friend or we would have movie nights at home to watch horror films together. We enjoyed it immensely and were not only scared to death, but especially incredibly enthusiastic. I really can't imagine that anymore, because nowadays I absolutely do not understand what I am putting myself through during a horror film. Where I used to get annoyed at people who watched with their hands over their eyes – I thought that was such a waste of the suspenseful moment – I found myself last night constantly turning my head away. I just couldn't handle all that tension anymore.

Do we sometimes like horror less as we get older? I almost think so. I certainly can no longer call myself a horror fan. The following things will surely be recognized by all non-horror lovers:

1. You constantly ask yourself why on earth you set this up. Was this a good plan? No. Am I really doing this for my own enjoyment? No. Am I in blind panic? YES.

2. Ideally, you want to turn off the movie halfway through to watch something more cheerful, but you HAVE to see with your own eyes how this torture comes to an end.

3. You absolutely do not understand why the victim always moves towards the murderer. Is there a basement? Off to the basement! Broken car in the middle of the woods? Come on, let's get out of the car. A kidnapper asking for help from a van? Then let's just crawl into that van, right? I'm very sorry, but those characters are really asking for it.

4. There is one very specific question that haunts your mind throughout the film: what kind of sick mind came up with this story? What does it say about the creator that he/she can come up with all this? Does this mean that the director sometimes pulls the same kind of stunts as the murderer in the film? Or feels a deep longing for it?

5. During jump scares, you are absolutely convinced that all that tension has a significant impact on your health. Am I ten years older after watching this film? Undoubtedly. Can this cause heart problems? Probably. Should I turn off the film now to calm down? No, unfortunately we still have to go on for a while.

6. No matter how loudly you scream at the screen, those characters do absolutely nothing with your advice and that can really get on your nerves. Despite countless warnings about where they should go, they keep going in the wrong direction. By the way, they almost never run, but often stare at the murderer for minutes on end. Why on earth do they do that? Do they want to die?

7. After watching a paranormal horror film, you are terrified that you possess a (very unwanted) sixth sense. Please, don't let me see things that aren't there. Did that light just flicker? Had I already closed my curtains? In short: you completely lose it because you suddenly think you can make contact with another world. Absolutely dreadful.

8. As soon as you finally lie in bed (and have thoroughly checked your entire house), you absolutely do not dare to get out again. Need to pee? No, that's not happening. Leg out of bed? Absolutely not, everything stays under the covers, no matter how warm it is. Finally, a little prayer: please don't let me dream about this film.