Everything you think when you go to dance class as an adult

As a little girl, I was crazy about it: classical ballet. Every week I squeezed myself into a pink outfit and tied my elastic shoes, and danced with my friends like we were stars (or so we thought). It never became a professional career, and eventually it became a chore that prevented me from meeting my friends on Wednesday afternoons. I stopped and never looked back. Until my psychologist advised me to do things that brought me happiness as a child. So I gathered all my courage and signed up for an adult ballet class. I thought I could handle it, but I learned that I actually have no graceful bone in my body. This is everything that went through my mind during that very first lesson.

1. Everything is more fun with a new outfit, but why do I look like a sort of failed ballerina in this outfit with rolls I didn't even know I had?

2. Oh, the teacher indicates that in such outfits everything is supposed to be visible, so the audience can admire your muscles. That to find my muscles, I first need to forget about a few liters of Sauvignon Blanc, my weekly tub of Ben & Jerry's, and a pasta carbonara or two, the creators of these outfits probably didn't think about that.

3. Sorry, but this mirror just hates me. You. Can. Really. See. Everything.

4. Ah okay, so this is not a beginner's class. The French terms are flying around my ears and the only thing I know in French is: ‘Une coupe de champagne, s'il vous plaît.’

5. Rhythm is also not really my strong suit. How is it that the whole class jumps up while I'm already landing? Gravity is absolutely not my best friend at the moment.

6. I zoned out during the explanation and now I don't know what to do. This used to be a lot easier to follow without a job, shopping lists, and other adult responsibilities. HELP!

7. Yes, now I'm just inventing a completely original dance. Also impressive.

8. What kind of top sport is this? I'm shaking and sweating as if I've just auditioned for the Hunger Games. Can we take a break?

9. I. Want. To. Cry.

10. How is it that I used to be so flexible that I could almost fold myself in half twice, and now I need to be helped off the barre by two people who didn't ask for this? Note to self: stretch more.

11. This will get better. My toxic trait is that I want to be able to do something immediately, otherwise I find it no longer interesting. Luckily, my sweet classmates impressed upon me that you really get better the more you do it, and we hope that's true.

Image: This Is Us, Disney+