Just about Special Forces VIPS

‘There is something extremely funny about all those big, angry men calling their fleece sweater a ‘little wool’’

I now know what it is between me and Special Forces VIPS: I am a disaster tourist and this program is a crash that I can't take my eyes off, even if I wanted to. Furthermore, I don't know how the candidates are doing this week, but I am really on the brink of a mental breakdown when I see what is about to happen again. Luckily, I am not alone this week and I am watching with my mother: the only person on earth who might struggle with this program even more than I do. Are you watching episode 5 (and I think we are still on day 3) of Special Forces VIPS?

1. Ah, luckily we start calmly with a: ‘The reins are now being pulled tight.’ Dear staff men, even tighter and you won't have any reins left.

2. Oh noooo, Fabrizio is really stopping now. That was of course to be expected, but this feels the same to me as when Dewi had to leave Idols in 2004. Heartbreaking. By the way, he still looks really good for someone who really can't go on anymore. That's already an achievement in itself.

3. Haha, Koen with his: ‘I have so much sleep deprivation, I don't know anything anymore’ is really me every Saturday morning when my boyfriend tries to get me out of bed before ten in his enthusiasm. Poor man. Koen, I mean, my boyfriend will survive it.

4. Tell me I'm not the only one who finds it hilarious that the angry staff men call their fleece sweater a ‘little wool’. There is something about the words ‘little wool out!’ that makes it hard for me to take them seriously.

5. They manage to make it cozy every week again, right? This week is all about combat readiness and showing full aggression. Something I can only manage when I am about to get my period and everyone in the supermarket chooses to walk in front of me that day. Speaking of combat readiness. Move.

6. Damn, I'm crying again. Koen is finally confronting his demons from the past and Erik adds to it with the words that they might have won from him in the past, but not today. Tears with buckets.

7. I said it! Everyone is currently suffering from mental collapse danger. So is Jorien, who tearfully indicates that things are going badly, she doesn't know what she needs but just wanted to say it. Well, that's what you get when day three lasts 92 hours.

8. Stop. The. Presses. Koen wants to give up? No! He MAKES this program. I protest.

9. My mother is also wondering why everyone here looks like you look when you live in Special Forces land and Koen still gives off some sort of supermodel vibes. Dear Koen, tell us your secrets.

10. Once again a reason why I would be Erik's biggest nightmare: ‘What has been your last setback so far?’ Hmm, I think it was when only white Kinder Bueno were left at the AH last week. And yours, Eer?

11. Okay. Go. Away. I feel like they have crammed three days into this episode and it is only now THREE HOURS?! That’s it. I give up.

12. Haha, Koen who is wavering back and forth in doubt about whether he will stop takes me back 15 years ago when I was standing in front of the gym doors estimating whether I could still pear it before the teacher would arrive. Good times.

13. Meanwhile next to me on the couch: ‘A load carry?! This is just a dramatic display of myself, when I am late at Schiphol and find out that I have to check in at the furthest counter and there might not be time for Starbucks. Running for your life.’

14. Okay, I know I have talked a lot about Koen, but I am just very proud of that man. He says he is leaving all his weaknesses behind and Erik impresses upon him that he will come to get him if he dares to fall back. Now I wouldn't mind if Erik and his little wool suddenly showed up at my door, but that's another story. Koen, you have done fan-tas-tic.

15. You know it's tough when the forearm support is a moment of rest. By the way, I would also like to sit down with the one who thought of the load carry. Curious about what other ideas he can just keep to himself for his own good.

If you think Amin is the only one who ends the episode with a hyperventilation attack, then you are very mistaken. Meine gute. I. Can. Not. Do. This. Anymore. Aaaaaaan. To be honest, I am really surprised that the flood of tears is only just beginning. As my mother says: ‘I would only cry there with screeching breaths.’ You and me both, mom, you and me both. By the way, I hope to see a bit more of Anouk and Lotte next week, because while all the big tough men suddenly drop out one by one, they are still strong in the race. Maybe a little girl power can also help me have enough strength to successfully endure the next episode, because good grief, I too am going to find it increasingly difficult. Well, we will see. Until next week!