Kiki's Spain Writings: ‘Behold, the struggles of a freshly emigrated’

We set the alarm early to be the first to arrive at the ING bank in Alicante. There is still a line outside, but it is smaller than last week when we arrived right around siesta time. Even before the threshold, we are stopped by a gentleman who looks as if he takes his job seriously.

‘Can I help you?’
‘Yes, we would like to open a bank account.’
‘Are you residents?’
‘No, we would like to become residents and we need a bank account for that.’
‘ING only provides bank accounts to residents.’.
‘Oh. Really?’
‘Yes. I cannot assist you further.’
‘Is there perhaps another bank you know where we can go?’
‘You can try Sabadell.’
‘Okay, thank you.’

Twenty minutes later, we are in the Sabadell office, one of the largest banks in Spain. At least we are inside now, and we seem to be helped by a friendly-looking gentleman. ‘Are you not residents? Ah, difficult, difficult. Let me see. We also have an account for non-residents that you can transfer to once you become a resident in a few months. But you need to have health insurance. Do you have that?’

Four days ago, we filled out eighty Spanish forms to obtain health insurance, so I am so glad we can finally answer ‘yes’ to a question. ‘How long have you had it? Is it less than a year?’ ‘Um, yes sir, because we emigrated a few weeks ago.’ He walks away with a frown to consult his colleague and returns with the news that he can no longer help us. Suddenly not anymore. Just like that.

I try to understand the logic and make one last attempt. ‘So sir, I’m getting a bit confused. Can you explain to me how this system works?’

• For applying for residency, do we need a Spanish bank account?
• For applying for a Spanish bank account, do we first need residency?
• HOW CAN WE BEST APPROACH THIS THEN?

He looks at me surprised for a moment and then a smile appears on his face. ‘It’s like the chicken and the egg. Who was there first?’ I nod encouragingly at him in his moment of eureka, as an attempt to activate him to take action to SAVE us from this bureaucratic system, but it all seems pointless.

By the way, I know that the egg came first, but that aside. Somewhere in prehistory, two strange bird-like creatures (with almost the same genes as those of the modern chicken) must have mated. The female then laid an egg that developed into the first real chicken. The genes of the creature deviated enough to be classified as a new species. Behold: ‘the chicken’ sees the light of day.

I don’t think the gentleman is open to this information.

We decide to make one last attempt at Santander, another giant bank in Spain. The atmosphere feels immediately better. We are helped at counter number 11 (one of my favorite numbers) and this time by a cheerful Spanish lady. Maybe she understands me better. The fact that we do not yet speak her mother tongue is becoming painfully confronting as we spend almost an hour going through the bank's terms via Google Translate, but hey, we are over the threshold, there is no question about residency, and health insurance is not a problem here, so I’m not complaining.

After an hour, we are about 80 percent through the application when she throws her hands up in the air after seeing a message on her screen. The system has shut down. ‘Error,’ she says while looking at me with a look full of helplessness. She asks if we would like to grab a coffee somewhere in Alicante and come back later. She can WhatsApp me when the system is working again. I can’t help but ask her if this happens often. Last year was the last time, she tells me.

We wander around Alicante for an hour and a half with our spirits low when I receive a message: ‘Hola Kiki de momento sigue sin funcionar.’ Which we can interpret as: it still doesn’t work. We decide to walk back to the bank to ask what we should do best. Come back tomorrow then? That’s not possible, it’s Friday, the banks are closed on the weekend. Oh right. Come back Monday? ’No es possible, then it’s a Spanish holiday.‘ Ah okay. How about Tuesday? Yes. Tuesday is fine.

So we got up early with fresh courage only to conclude seven hours later that we have achieved (once again) precisely nothing. For the umpteenth time. By now, we have to laugh about this day. You see: life doesn’t always give you what you want. Sometimes it gives you exactly what you need. Here’s my inspiration for an article. There’s no better way to explain to you how we experience it here than to just share our struggles of the beginning of emigration. A case of reframing.nl.

PS: More successes next week. Will they finally succeed in opening a bank account? That MUST work after this week?