Quarterlife Diaries: ‘When I have PMS, I turn into a monster that can't handle anything’
In Quarterlife Diaries, I take you weekly through all the things I, as a nearly 30-year-old, encounter. Mainly to vent my heart, but also to give everyone who is in the Quarterlife boat with me a little support. You are definitely not alone. This week: the suffering called PMS.
‘I’m about to kill someone,’ I texted my sister this morning. The reason? There was a man blocking my way in the supermarket, making it impossible for me to get past, and we kept running into each other in every aisle. It seemed like he was making a sport out of getting in my way. In reality, he was probably doing the grocery shopping early in the morning on his wife's orders because he forgot yesterday and didn’t know where everything was, but he also didn’t dare to call her. All very understandable, but let me tell you, on a day like today, I really don’t want to deal with that.
I know exactly when it’s coming, my period. About three days beforehand, I turn into a monster that can’t handle anything, absolutely nothing. Is someone driving too slowly in front of me in a place where I can’t overtake? Grumpy. Am I hungry but can’t decide what I want to eat because everything repulses me? Grumpy. Is my house a pigsty but do I lack the strength to clean it up? Grumpy. Do I have to do all sorts of adult things while I’d rather curl up like a ball in the corner of the couch and want everyone to just leave me alone? Grumpy. Additionally, my stomach is always three times more bloated than usual on days like these, making nothing fit, and I have to tackle life in a constant state of discomfort, which makes me, exactly, grumpy.
As I type this, I’m also in an extreme state of irritation. My hair is greasy because I didn’t want to wash it yesterday, the kids from the school across from my house are making me doubt my desire for children by playing ‘ambulance’ (that sound goes right through me), and I seriously wonder who was so stupid as to leave the light on in the bathroom (it was me). Are these all relatively small things that are easy to solve? Sure. Do they feel like the end of the world at this moment? Also.
Yet, over the years, I’ve developed a routine that makes days like these a bit more bearable. Do you recognize the frustration above? Then pay attention. After I’ve written this, I’ll jump in the shower as quickly as possible for an ‘everything shower’. This includes: washing my hair, hair mask, scrubbing, shaving, and moisturizing. Then I put on a matching lounge set (don’t ask me why, but yesterday I wore mismatched clothes and that didn’t help my mood either) and make a cup of tea and something nice to eat. I recently heard that during your period, you need about 300-400 extra calories a day because your body has to work harder, and you understand that I’m grabbing this fact with both hands right now. Then, very importantly: my phone goes off. Not on airplane mode, really off. This is purely for self-protection. If I were to be chronically online during these days, I would have a fight next week with anyone who dares to send me a semi-serious message. Tonight, there’s still a Netflix feel-good movie on the schedule while I soothe that painful belly with a warm water bottle, and if all goes well, my mood will slowly stabilize again.
Until I forget to turn off the bathroom light or accidentally drop a glass. In that case, you’ll soon see an announcement for a Third World War appear on the news. Until then: another monthly crisis successfully averted.
