Love & Sex

Science says: this is the message you should send after a first date

By Sophie Rietmulder | #!30Fri, 21 Apr 2023 14:00:50 +0200+02:005030#30Fri, 21 Apr 2023 14:00:50 +0200+02:00-2Europe\/Amsterdam3030Europe\/Amsterdam202330 21pm30pm-30Fri, 21 Apr 2023 14:00:50 +0200+02:002Europe\/Amsterdam3030Europe\/Amsterdam2023302023Fri, 21 Apr 2023 14:00:50 +0200002004pmFriday=9#!30Fri, 21 Apr 2023 14:00:50 +0200+02:00Europe\/Amsterdam4#04-21-2023#!30Fri, 21 Apr 2023 14:00:50 +0200+02:005030#\/30Fri, 21 Apr 2023 14:00:50 +0200+02:00-2Europe\/Amsterdam3030Europe\/Amsterdam202330#!30Fri, 21 Apr 2023 14:00:50 +0200+02:00Europe\/Amsterdam4#

What I sometimes really love about science. Those scientists seem to have an answer for everything, which is especially handy when dealing with age-old questions like: what do you actually need to live as long as possible, how can your partner help you with reducing stress and how long does it actually take before you fall in love? It probably won't surprise you that they have even pondered the question of who should text first after the first date and what exactly should be in that text. It's nice to know.

I know: you are probably hoping for hard rules about who should text first, exactly how many minutes after saying goodbye this text should be sent, and you probably also want to know letter for letter what should be in that text. However, according to science, this is a bit more complex. Every date is different, so unfortunately, there is no exact texting formula. What experts do say is that it is not necessary to adhere to outdated gender norms when it comes to who should text first. If the date felt good, it shouldn't matter who texted first.

Okay, it's nice to know that you don't necessarily have to hold back if you want to send a text. But what should you say? If you had a good time, there's a good chance you're a bit uncertain about that first message, and that's not so strange. Break the first-date ice with a message like: ‘I had a great time’, ‘thanks for the lovely evening’ or: ‘did you get home safely?’ This shows that you enjoyed yourself and opens the door for a potential next date. Don't worry about coming off as too eager. If it feels right to send a text, then you can just do it. If this person is the right one for you, they will only be happy to receive a message from you.

While it may feel safer to play a bit hard to get after a first date and wait extra long to send that first message, experts actually advise against this. In fact, they even encourage you to act quickly to show that you are still interested. Even though it feels nice to have the upper hand by not reacting overly enthusiastic right away, communication and authenticity are the most important when it comes to building a relationship, and you can't start that early enough in their opinion.

It may also be the case that you didn't find your first date a success. In that case, the same advice applies. Let your date know as soon as possible, in an honest and friendly manner, that you didn't find the date worth repeating so that no false expectations arise. It's always a shame when a date isn't what you expected, but remember that every first date is a new chance to find your great love. Especially with these tips.

Source: Marie Claire