God zij dank, het is vrijdag: Esther Goedegebuure

For years, Esther was the beloved editor-in-chief of JAN, filling her life with joy and lighting up the sun on her face. Until suddenly, budget cuts, you know how it goes, she was waved goodbye and amputated (because yes, that’s how it felt a bit) from her favorite job. As if that wasn’t sad enough, her second child also flew out of her warm nest, and Esther had to seriously reinvent what she wanted. And she did. Just as she can. The sleeves rolled up, her mouth opened for a breath of air, and off she went. Writing for Nouveau, for Franska, for Volkskrant Magazine, and as a Chanel bag on a smashing outfit (my metaphor for the cherry on the cake) her own book. Tuesday marked the celebration of the birth of ‘Mothers’. Grand, we can say.

Esther, what a week it has been. How does this Friday feel?
‘I’m floating on a pink cloud, for days now, and I’m enjoying it immensely. My book presentation felt like I was getting married. The publisher had organized a grand party at the West-Indisch Huis, indeed: a wedding venue. There were endless lovely people, beautiful speeches, a gift table full of flowers, bottles, and other treats. And almost all the enthusiastic women I interviewed were there to present the first copy.’

I see that women who are ambitious in their work are also incredibly ambitious in motherhood.

For your book ‘Mothers’ you interviewed all prominent women about motherhood. A calling that is close to your heart, a role you wanted to perform best of all. Where does that drive to be the best possible mother come from, and when did you think: there should be a book about this?
‘I see that women who are ambitious in their work are also incredibly ambitious in motherhood. The bar is set high. We want to make our children happy, give them the chance to develop socially and emotionally, and we see that as our responsibility. That gives us a lot, as it often means we are connected with our children, but it also creates a lot of pressure. Motherhood is a defining factor for our identity, in which all emotions are magnified and in which we all struggle with guilt, shame, and insecurity. Besides the fact that we also enjoy and love, of course.’

You interviewed various prominent women, all sharing a common denominator: that beautiful motherhood. Name three passages from your book that will stick with you.
‘I chose the women for their different backgrounds. Chantal Janzen, for example, because she is also a bonus mother, Aaf Brandt Corstius because she grew up without a mother, Susan Smit because she was left by her husband shortly after the birth of her son, and Anna Enquist because she lost her daughter. I spoke with actress Romana Vrede about her son with autism and intellectual disability. That was a humble conversation. Like all mothers, she is often insecure about her role. But when your child is unable to give love or affirmation back, that insecurity becomes unbearable.’

I want to continue discussing your book, but it’s ‘Thank God it’s Friday’ of course, so let’s check off a few things. What are you wearing, what’s playing on Spotify, and what’s in your glass?
‘I’m lucky that my children have a fantastic and diverse taste in music, from Jungle to Fleetwood Mac and from Ramses Shaffy to the Black Pumas. I love listening to this mix on their endlessly long playlists that never get boring and that I can also run to very well. In that glass tonight goes the pink champagne I received from a friend on Tuesday, to hold onto that pink cloud a little longer.’

There I was, sitting all day in my leggings and UGGs like a hermit typing away

Writing is quite a solitary existence. Did you experience it that way too, or did you actually meet more people because you were interviewing everyone?
‘When I really wanted to focus on writing, I locked myself in the holiday home of my partner's family, in the woods of the Achterhoek. There I was, sitting all day in my leggings and UGGs like a hermit typing away. The biggest transition of my life from editor-in-chief to freelance journalist was perhaps that whole solitary aspect. At first, I missed the dynamics of a team immensely, but as with everything in life, time gives you the chance to see the benefits of a new situation. There is now little noise and distraction, which is very beneficial for my productivity.’

People say that writing a book becomes heavy for them, especially at the end; checking all those periods and commas. When I wrote a children's book, I actually found it delightful to do. Like I was just straightening my child's jacket before they went to school for the first time, something like that. How did you experience it? I saw on Instagram that your son was reading your book, on his own initiative no less. A nicer compliment doesn’t exist, I think.
‘I find writing really just like exercising. The endorphins only come for me once it’s all done. I don’t enjoy the exercise itself and therefore also not the writing. But yes, the result, right? That’s what I do it for. When I have something on paper, or better: saved in a document, and I read it over to fine-tune it, I find it all very enjoyable. I have that with writing a column or composing an interview. That last phase is indeed delightful. That my partner and my middle child wanted to read my book of their own free will and discussed it with me, yes, that was so beautiful and dear.’

Okay, I love your tips so I want to know NOW what your weekend looks like. What’s on the agenda at the Goedegebuure household?
‘I’m reading fantastic things about the exhibition of photographer Nan Goldin at the Stedelijk Museum, so I want to pop by there. I also go to the cinema at least once every weekend because I have a Cineville pass, which allows me to go to the movies unlimited. That’s already a recommendation in itself, such a pass. A big tip is Anatomy of a Fall, a thrilling and original courtroom drama with outstanding acting that makes you think. And I saw the ballet performance Giselle yesterday, so beautiful. If you can still get a ticket: go!’

Rome is, in my opinion, the most beautiful city in Europe,

And suppose, time difference, money, and flight shame don’t matter at all. What does your ideal weekend look like then?
‘Rome is, in my opinion, the most beautiful city in Europe, especially at this time of year. Wherever you walk, you are surrounded by beauty. And having lunch with a pasta cacio e pepe, cheese and pepper, that’s all, doesn’t that make a person happy?’

What book is on your nightstand and what are you watching on Netflix?
‘I just finished the series Liebes Kind and I need to recover from that. What a ride. It’s nice that it doesn’t last too long; I can’t handle series that go on for seasons. What I’m roaring with laughter at on NPO Start is Met Bromet naar hondencursus, about the absurd relationship between humans and dogs. The last book I really enjoyed is Huiswerk by Marja Pruis. Nice and thin too.’

And finally: what does Monday look like? Again with rolled-up sleeves for your second book?
‘Definitely! I have a whole list of 25 well-known fathers that I’m going to interview for my book about fatherhood and identity. Fathers of today come from far, often raised by a fairly absent father, but now feel the need to do it very differently. Men have had to develop emotionally in that regard over the past decades, which fascinates me enormously. And I’ve approached such nice men! The book is planned for spring 2025.’

Mothers, €22.95 Bol.com