What you often hear as a childless person over 30
If you are over 30, single and/or childless, you have probably found yourself in uncomfortable situations when it comes to babies. Especially if you are childless by choice, that can be extremely painful and hurtful; those kinds of questions can really throw you off.
I notice around me that this fortunately occurs less often, precisely for the above reason: that it can be hurtful. You never know what exactly is going on, but I still experience it too often. I, as a 33-year-old who has no children and also has no desire for them, still have to justify myself far too often.
Recognizable? Then these texts have probably been thrown at your head as well.
1. ‘Just wait, you'll change your mind’
I honestly don't understand this sentence, which often comes across as a jab. What do you want to achieve with it? If I were to change my mind (which I don't see happening), would you come knocking to give me a ‘I told you so’ and a pointing finger? No, thanks. I won't do that to you either if I still feel the same way in fifteen years.
2. ‘But you're so great with kids’
That's true. That doesn't mean I want to get up with them and go to bed with them.
3. ‘You were probably hanging out in the bars again this weekend?’
Just because I don't have kids and am not waiting for them doesn't mean I'm scouring all the pubs. In fact, I spent the whole weekend on the couch with my cat.
4. ‘Why don't you want kids?’
Don't get me wrong: friends can really ask me this, but if I don't know you well, I find it a rather inappropriate question. Especially since it only works one way; people are hardly ever asked why they chose to have children.
5. ‘You'll have so much free time/money/something else left, right!’
I also find that such a strange comment. I don't say to parents: ‘You must be broke every month, right!’ And as if time or money is the reason for me not to start. It often sounds almost like a pep talk: I often experience that people with children want to ‘cheer me up’ because I don't have them. Nothing is worse than pity when it's totally inappropriate.
6. ‘When are you starting a family?’
As if it's a given that when you have a relationship, even if it's not serious yet, you should start having kids. Especially if you've passed 30. No one ever asked me this after I was in the Amsterdam Bubbles for one evening of being in love, you know. But now you just look at someone and get these kinds of questions fired at you, purely ‘because you are of the age for it.’.
7. ‘Oh, you don't have to come, we're only with parents and kids’
So unkind. As if I, because I have no desire for children, also absolutely don't want to be around them. And also: why isn't this just asked instead of being assumed immediately?
