Why arguing with your sister is good for your development

When I think back to the arguments I used to have with my sisters, I don't feel like they were very important, constructive, or necessary. It often revolved around who had stolen whose clothes, or whether you had been snooping around in the other person's room, or why you were on the laptop for so long while it was her turn to MSN (as I write this, I feel very old, but our arguments were really about). Arguments between sisters are never really resolved, so I was quite surprised when I read that arguing with your sister helps you learn to communicate better. But actually, that's not so strange: you have to come from a pretty good place to maintain calm so you can clearly convey your point of view.

It's actually practice for how to argue with others later on

It seems that compromising is also part of development, but I must admit that step was always skipped in our case. Still, I find this the most logical point when it comes to gaining benefits from arguing. Negotiating and compromising is something you can also use very well later in your career. A little practice can’t hurt. Fortunately, it doesn’t matter too much that I didn’t practice that negotiating as a child. Because dealing with frustrations ensures that you, ‘later when you grow up’, can deal with this better too. Quite handy, because it hopefully helps you keep your mouth shut when your loved one says something for the umpteenth time that you totally disagree with (breathe in, breathe out, let go). This is also called ‘emotional regulation’: you learn that in a long-term relationship, you can also make things right again.

You can also use your skills to help friends

If you have friends who haven't had as much arguing experience as you, for example because they have no brothers or sisters, it's nice that you can help them a bit. You’ve probably had to play devil's advocate at some point, for example when your best friend could no longer understand his friend's opinion. Then it’s handy that there’s a kind of outsider who can speak some soothing words by taking up for both sides. That brings calm back to those situations faster. It also gives you a bit of extra empathy; it’s less difficult for you to understand your own feelings and those of another.

Arguments are not always disastrous; they can often strengthen your relationship

Having a good fight with your lover, then talking it out, hearing each other's views on the matter, and making up (is make-up sex good or not?) ensures that your relationship becomes stronger. You see that the relationship can take a hit. And, more importantly: the argument was not resolved for nothing. A constructive argument exists precisely because you want to solve a mutual problem, teach each other something, and come to an understanding by being more empathetic towards each other. Such an argument is actually quite romantic. In hindsight, I am quite grateful for those arguments with my sisters over things like ‘borrowed’ clothing.

Source: Pew Research Center