Dear Spotify, we need to talk
It is December, and thus the month in which people hoist themselves onto the stage of Spotify Wrapped. Look at me having an extremely refined and tasteful music preference. And then you have people like me.
Spotify Wrapped is nothing more than a silent condemnation for me. You can't do anything about it, because the list revolves around data, but you secretly feel completely ashamed. On Instagram, people who do have taste in music are tumbling over each other, while the rest watches. In jealousy, in despair, in pure misery.
The shame is gone
Why on earth have you listened to the remix of this way too old house track from 2018 54 (!) times since March? (Thanks to my favorite Reel on Instagram.) How come the appetizing but very Greek Konstantinos Argiros is number one for you, while you understand three-quarters of it but can still sing along? (Really not just because of his good looks, I promise.) What exactly is wrong with you mentally that ‘Unstoppable’ by Sia is in a solid second place, and is it perhaps time for a good talk with a psychologist? (No comment.)
With great difficulty, I confessed out of self-mockery about my number one Konstantinos Argiros in stories, but that was about it. Furthermore, my Spotify Wrapped remains mine and mine alone. I wish I were a bit more like the well-mannered listener, who is aware of this shameless unmasking at the end of the year.
I even know people (hi May-Britt Mobach) who in November only listened to Adele anxiously to positively influence the outcome. Look, that shows strategy. That is a sign of thoughtful listening. After seeing my own Spotify Wrapped, I could have done that better myself, but unfortunately. This foresight only came to me when the damage was already done, and I was drowning in my schizophrenic listening behavior.
Split personality
In addition to a glimpse into my remarkable list of artists and tracks, Spotify also hits you with numbers. I listened for 41,946 minutes, making me one of the 7 percent most active listeners, during which I significantly boosted my average on March 2 with 802 minutes. That's an impressive 13 hours. Considering that I try to sleep for about 8 hours out of the 24, that left only 3 hours without Spotify. I must admit that I just checked my calendar to see what I was doing on that specific date. Cooking Greek all day in the kitchen and eating all that food with friends in the evening explains a lot and explains Konstantinos Argiros.
Is there anything good to report alongside all this confronting data? Spotify mainly thinks I have changed, as evidenced by my taste in music. I went from a ‘dinner lustrum Dutch hip-hop phase’ in January to ‘pink pilates princess roller-skating pop’ in May, and in August, I experienced an ‘academic mashup EDM moment’. I feel my personality splitting even more with each passing second than it already was.
On social media, all the parodies of Spotify's lists are thankfully tumbling over each other. There is more than enough room for human mistakes, like mine. For which, thank you. Now I am going to devise a strategy to end up as a pretentious music listener next year. It's not a competition, but still. To be continued.
