This is how long the average we-don't-have-a-relationship-but-almost-contact should last

Suppose you often wake up next to each other on weekends, you have daily contact, and you actually do all the things that people in a relationship do.

There is just one problem: as soon as you ask how things really are between you, the subject is avoided and it becomes a ‘isn't it just nice as it is?’ situation. Or in other words: that person is not ready for a relationship yet, but enjoys your company. If that is the case, you are deeply entangled in a situationship. Sometimes it lasts only a short time, sometimes you hear people talking about it a year later. But how long should this uncomfortable love phase last on average to decide if it is still worth your energy?

That a situationship can be quite toxic nine out of ten times, I think we can all agree on that. Not only does it almost always lead to a painful rejection that you need at least half a year to heal from, but also:

• you almost never know where you stand with the other person.
• you unconsciously get expectations from the other person, which often leaves you disappointed.
• your self-confidence takes a significant hit because you start to wonder why the other person doesn't find you good enough for a relationship.
• your view on relationships changes, as you start to believe that no one will ever fully commit to you.

Men seem to be particularly fond of it. For them, a situationship is a nice excuse to enjoy the benefits of a relationship without having to give much in return this time. On top of that:

• a situationship requires little to no effort from the man's side.
• they don't have to fully commit, which means they owe you no form of loyalty.
• it is an ideal excuse for them to occasionally indulge elsewhere.
• they are not obligated to think about their feelings or to talk about them with you.

Because it is actually just a matter of ‘no strings attached’, you can imagine that such a thing can sometimes last for months or even years. And that's perfectly fine. Or well, as long as neither of you develops feelings for each other. However, in a situationship, that is not the case since one person will eventually see it as a ‘situation’ and the other will not. It should not last longer than three months, because the chance of it becoming toxic afterwards is quite high: the longer you maintain a ‘casual relationship’, the more feelings can come into play, and the faster someone can get hurt. This repeatedly damages trust, which is not a good foundation for a potential long-term relationship in the future.

In short: do yourself a favor and put an end to it if your potential lover still isn't sure after three months whether they want to be exclusive with you. It's either yes or no, right? Otherwise, there's the door.

Source: bolde.com, justinemfulama.com | Image: Netflix