Jacqueline goes on a dating app and checked off 30-somethings and thought; this is a fun hobby
“The sexuality of many women is hidden under 25 kilos of laundry.”
A lot has happened in the life of Jacqueline van Lieshout (exactly 50 years today) since she took her last sip of alcohol. She became fit in every way. From decisiveness to physical appearance. With the disappearance of wine, other things also left her life. Excess kilos, but also some friendships, no longer met the new standard. The space for more was enormous. At the top of the list: lust for life.
With pleasure and also a sense of persuasion, Jacqueline van Lieshout shares photos of a 37-year-old version of herself versus the fifty-year-old Jacqueline, and you would think she has swapped the ages of the photos. You could call it evangelistic zeal, as Jacqueline leaves no opportunity unused to point out the happiness that glows when you simply leave that damned glass alone. The transformation of Jacqueline then and now was so great that there was a need for a new book. Her twelfth. LIFE ENTHUSIASM The journey from garbage dump to temple marks perhaps her rebirth.
Jacqueline, the story cannot be told often enough. What made you, a cheerful drinker, decide to stop drinking alcohol?
“My then-boyfriend and I were in Terschelling, celebrating life, and at one point he really thought he was dying, he felt so bad. With screeching tires, we went to the doctor who asked us: ‘What have you done?’ And I said: ‘We’ve been lying in a bath of Sauvignon Blanc for three days.’ And that was actually true.
Then I immediately stopped. I was aware that moderation was not an option. It was all or nothing for me. I fought alone and didn’t need help. Do you know the movie 28 Days* with Sandra Bullock? I watched it every day. For forty days. It was a kind of therapy.”
Crying, she cycled past the crowded terraces on the Grote Markt in Haarlem, where her friends sat around a crackling bottle of rosé. “Pearls of condensation formed on the glass, the ice danced in the wine cooler. But I felt I had to persevere, even though I felt I was cutting myself off from a part of my life.”
“My friends were initially very supportive, but after a few months it had to be over. Then you suddenly become a party pooper. I felt very lonely.” But even here, the cloud had a silver lining. “If you struggle through those little fights, you suddenly get gifts. Your hair becomes fuller, your nails stronger, your skin improves, you sleep better. And because I had no hangover, I started exercising more, walking longer with the dog, and thus the kilos melted away.”
“I have been underwater for 25 years. Or better: under wine.”
After the external transition, there was also slowly time for real introspection. “Since I was 16, I have been drinking to suppress things.
I have been underwater for 25 years. Or better: under wine. And you know what’s strange? What I was looking for in wine, I found when I stopped.”
A few years ago, her relationship ended and, on the advice of a friend, she decided to take a peek at a dating app.
“I checked the box for people in their forties and fifties, that was my box after all. Well, it was a horror show. Men in tight Formula 1 t-shirts and a Max Verstappen cap. They also sprinkled photos of themselves with a full shopping bag in the elevator. No idea, but that seems to be a thing in dating land. I didn’t like it at all. Then I jokingly checked out the twenties and thirties. It looked like the Wehkamp catalog fell on the floor. I started looking and checking like a child with a toy book. Just before I had my first date with a 32-year-old guy, I thought: I want white wine. It was a bizarre realization; I had never dated without alcohol. The man came and of course, I didn’t drink. I had a sensational evening with him. I showered, slept, woke up fresh between the smooth sheets and thought: but THIS is a fun hobby.”
This also led to the desire to inspire other women.
“I had a whole ride of adventures that I deliciously recounted in the podcast What Do You Want to Drink with Jan Heemskerk. Then someone said: you should make a series about this too. And that became Lust.”
The new podcast series is a sensational success with 120,000 listeners per month.
“Half of marriages fail in this life phase, so it’s interesting.
Women see sex as a to-do item. We don’t see sexuality as a pleasure for ourselves but as something we give to another. The whole ‘making sense’ story is of course absurd. 42% has pain during intercourse. Sexuality in women is something strange. At least, the perception of it. We have to be good at it as young women, but we shouldn’t have done it often. That suddenly becomes strange again. And yes, I think that needs to change.”
“What I was looking for in wine, I found when I stopped.”
She continues. “It’s socially interesting. History indicates that women are more lustful typesthan men. Because clitoral pleasure is solely focused on pleasure without reproductive purpose. Women are unique in that, and I want to convey that. Enjoying sex is also emancipation.”
And that’s why there is this book: LIFE ENTHUSIASM My journey from garbage dump to temple. She cried when she brought it to the printer and had big tears when she saw it roll off the press. “I’m releasing my book on my birthday: Friday, December 13, in a limited edition of 2500 copies.” In a specially rented space, she will personally sign her books for days on end and send them to women who need them.
When I suggest that her book might serve as their 28 Days for women, a way to break patterns and form a new life, Jacqueline is silent for the first time in our conversation. Who knows, that would be something.
LIFE ENTHUSIASM My journey from garbage dump to temple is here available for order.
*28 Days is about a journalist who crashes her car while drunk and can choose between prison time or 28 days of rehab.
Photography credits: Bart Honingh
