Are you really ready for a new relationship?

One thing is for sure: a breakup is painful. But after weeks, or maybe even months, of tubs of ice cream and ‘Someone Like You’ on repeat, you might be ready for a relationship again. No matter how long your single period was, giving love a new chance is always a big step. How do you know for sure if you are really ready? According to dating expert Logan Ury, there are a few questions you should ask yourself before you step back into the dating world.

What have you learned from your previous relationship?

Especially at the beginning, you might not be thinking about it at all, but you can learn a lot from every relationship, and thus also from every breakup. According to Ury, it’s important to take a moment to reflect on this before you dive into a new romantic adventure. By listing what you liked about your previous partner, what went well between you, but especially why it fell apart, you give your next relationship a greater chance of success. Especially if you notice that it keeps going wrong for roughly the same reasons. This way, you can prevent making the same mistakes again. Give yourself some time, but once you can see the breakup as a valuable lesson, you know for sure that you have truly moved on.

What are you looking for?

Every breakup has its own reason. It may be that the other person simply didn’t have the qualities you are looking for in a partner. Or maybe you thought you were okay with something casual, but you’ve discovered that you actually want something more serious. To find the right partner, Ury believes it’s essential to first create a clear wish list. “The most important thing is to be honest with yourself and potential partners to save time and possible heartache in the future.” Just don’t set the bar too high; the search shouldn’t become impossible.

Do you have the time and energy for a relationship?

Let’s be honest, a relationship takes time. Especially at the beginning, you will need to invest a lot of energy to get to know each other; and you have to be able and willing to do that. Have you just started a new job or are you in the middle of a move? Then it might not be the ideal time to look for new love. It’s better to wait a little longer so that you can be sure you can fully commit.

Are you ready to be a ‘dater’ again?

According to Ury, every person has different identities: a daughter, friend, or colleague. “We behave differently depending on which of those identities we are using at a given moment,” says Ury. For the role of a dater, you really need to be open to love, and your social skills become extra important. Especially if you haven’t been on a date in a long time, it can take some getting used to behaving that way again. Therefore, it’s important to be aware of what this identity requires of you before that first date and whether you are ready for it.

Can you stay positive?

With your previous breakup still fresh in your memory, it’s not strange to be afraid of being rejected again or hurting someone. That first date feels even more exciting than it normally would. And as much as you would like it to be, the search for new love will not go completely smoothly. According to Ury, it’s essential that you can stay positive. If you find yourself in a negative spiral after a failed date, it might be too early to pick up your dating life again. So first consider whether you can keep uplifting yourself, or as Ury says: “Learn to be your own cheerleader.”

Source: PureWow, Image: @kendalljenner