Characteristics of a narcissist: how to recognize them (and protect yourself)
I know, narcissism is really the buzzword of the moment. But believe me, I have experienced a situation up close where we were not a hundred but a thousand percent sure we were dealing with a narcissist. One of my very best friends, a super intelligent woman, also fell into the trap of a charismatic narcissist. Although I cannot elaborate on the exact situation, I have delved into this personality disorder and can perhaps help you with all the characteristics to look out for if you also suspect you are dealing with a narcissist. Because the traits are not always easy to recognize. Especially at the beginning, they love bomb you all over with their fake charisma.
1. An exceptionally exaggerated sense of self-importance (or in other words, they have the leading role in every story)
Narcissists truly believe they are special. Not just exceptionally nice or smart, no – unique, brilliant, and far above the rest. You can talk for ten minutes about your promotion; they have an even more spectacular story, complete with applause, conga lines, confetti, and Nobel Prize nominations.
2. They want to be admired continuously. Always. Everywhere.
A narcissist without attention is like a cappuccino without foam. They need it like oxygen. Whether it's on social media or in real life, there must be clapping and cheering. No attention? Then they are so offended.
3. Grandiosity 24/7
The world revolves around them – around them and around them. They dream of endless power, fame, success. Of course, this comes to them effortlessly. And you? You are a supporting role in their self-written bestseller.
4. Characteristics of a narcissist: manipulation in capital letters and bold.
A narcissist knows exactly which buttons to press. Emotional blackmail? Check. Making you think you are the one who is crazy? Check. They are so good at gaslighting that you end up thinking you need to apologize. Uhm, no.
5. Lack of empathy (and an empty emotional fridge)
Are you crying? Then you get a pat on the back that feels like it was given by a robot. Narcissists feel little to nothing unless it’s about themselves. Emotional depth simply does not exist. Or it is very, very well played.
6. Unreasonable expectations of others
A narcissist finds it normal that you are always and immediately there for them. Even if you just boarded a plane, your mother is just being wheeled into the operating room, or it’s Christmas.
7. Another striking characteristic of a narcissist: they are intensely addicted to attention and control
Narcissists want to have the strings in their hands. In relationships, friendships, at work – control is key. And if they threaten to lose that? Then it’s all drama. And the inevitable blame game, because it is always your fault.
8. Extremely jealous
Strange because you might think: “If someone is so full of themselves, why would they be jealous?‘ Simple. Because everything you have, they also want – and even bigger and better. A job, a new car, a vacation? They genuinely believe they deserve it, at least more than you do.
9. Power is all they want.
Power, whether in the kitchen, store, or at work, they want you to do what they want. Always. Power can also be small: but he/she dominates the conversation. And if you resist? Expect a storm of criticism.
10. Playfully charming and charismatic, but the mask always falls off
In the beginning, they are so enchanting. You think: “Wow, I have never met someone like this.” True. Because that first part is top-notch theater. Luxury love bombing. But, very slowly you see that charm is not real, and that something very cold lies beneath. And honestly, you feel it in your gut. You don’t want to admit it because it was too good. Your soulmate. The partner of your life. Or the friendship of your life. But honestly: deep down you know “Something is not right.”
Quickly? Here are the 5 typical habits of a narcissist
- Quickly? Here are the 5 typical habits of a narcissist
- Grandiosity – they feel more important than anyone else.
- Claiming rights – they believe that rules apply to others. Not to them.
- Seeking attention – hungry, dramatic, insatiable.
- Manipulation – always your fault. Always.
- Lack of empathy – emotions? Only if it benefits them.
If you are now thinking: “Shit, this sounds like my ex, my boss, my partner…” then it’s time to be honest with yourself, otherwise, you will be stuck in this situation for years. No matter how difficult it is. Set your own boundaries. You cannot change a narcissist, but you can choose for yourself.
Source: Psychology Today | Image: Netflix(You)|Primevideo(AmericanPsycho)|Hbo(Gameofthrones)
