Love bombing: when love seems too good to be true.

I sincerely hope you haven't experienced this yet. If you're in the middle of it, you probably know it unconsciously, but you might not want to see it. Love bombing: they put you on the highest pedestal, but then drop you hard into a gigantic abyss. Believe me, I've been high AND low myself. I'll tell you why you need to be careful here.

Sometimes love hurts, due to insecurity. But this time everything seems different. Finally, he is here, what you were waiting for. It exists. True love. It took a while, but now you understand it. At least, you think you do. Because love bombing feels like love, but is often an overly intense reaction that may not quite fit the stage of the relationship.

How to recognize love bombing:

1. Overwhelming compliments
They come with the sweetest words. Grandiose, repeated compliments, but often just a bit too early.
They flatter as if you are unique—and don't get me wrong: you are too. But they really need a bit more time to know that.

2. Too early, too personal
It gets personal in no time. A bit too quick and intimate revelations—think about finances, family secrets, or things from the past. It goes from 0 to 100.

3. Pressure to connect
They would prefer to move in together yesterday. They have grand future plans: “I can't live without you,” already in the first weeks. Marriage? The day after tomorrow. First child? In three months. You think: my dream partner. But no, FLY!! Don’t run.

4. Too much, too often contact
Nothing is as annoying as someone who doesn't reply. But this is the opposite. You receive continuously messages. In fact: they get irritated if you don't respond immediately, while you were just in a business meeting.
Moreover, they react jealously to your contacts, because he/she wants to be with you all the time. So everything must give way.

5. Excessive gifts
This is what you longed for, and I understand you. But. It. Doesn't. Add up. The gifts are out of proportion. Too expensive, too fast, and sometimes feel like a calming agent mixed with a hint of guilt.

6. Intense jealousy and control
And here it comes. Angry remarks about your time with others. Jealousy, even about your family. “How often do you actually see your parents?” Or: “Have you already met up with your sister again?” They want to push their own plans and especially isolate you. Literally and figuratively.

Why is love bombing harmful?

You're in love, and therefore feel obligated. He/she makes you emotionally dependent. You're trapped in your feelings, in a conflict. Then comes the neglect phase: he/she suddenly doesn't see you anymore (and sometimes even abuse follows).

First, you're put on a pedestal, but then? Then comes the infamous IDD phase: Idealize, Devalue, Discard. From all-consuming love to distance, coldness… and sometimes even downright toxic behavior. And it's logical that you can't just get out of this, it's so intensely confusing. From hot to koud, from trust to disappointment and doubt. It's a rollercoaster of the highest order.

Where does the term love bombing come from?

The term love bombing comes from the 1970s and became known through the Unification Church, a religious movement that overwhelmed new members with attention and love. Not because they were so warm, but to get you into their clutches faster. Terrifying.

The psychological background of love bombing

Yes, and there you have it again. But in this case, it's 100% like this: it's often narcissists who do this. They seek control, dominance, are manipulative, and primarily want to be admired. Do the narcissists checklist here.

8 clear signs of love bombing

• You receive extravagant gifts
• Incredibly many compliments
• There are already plans for the future
• A lot of contact
• Very quickly “I love you” (within a few weeks)
• Constant need for your time and attention
• You are emotionally isolated
• Unexpected distance is taken, or when you set a boundary

What can you do against love bombing?

1. Set boundaries
Really, express what you want (less pace, less contact, social space) and see how the other reacts. Positive: respect. Negative? A very big thick red flag.

2. Reflect
Do you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel like you are suddenly acting differently? Make a list if necessary: what has changed since the relationship started?

3. Talk to an outsider
This is difficult, I know. Because once said, you feel there is no turning back. But promise me, discuss it with a friend, family member, or more neutrally, a therapist. They can provide you with perspective. Sometimes you only see how strange the situation actually is when you take a step back.

4. Safety first
Does your partner demand too much? Be honest with yourself: does it feel like real love, or like control? Then walk away or create distance. In case of aggressive behavior: definitely make a safety plan.

Do you feel addressed by this article? Please don't bury your head in the sand.
Make it discussable, even if it's just with your best friend, your sister, or someone you trust. Sometimes one conversation is enough to see clearly again.

Source: Colorado EDU | Image: Netflix