6x why you shouldn't go on a picnic this summer
Picnics always sound so romantic. A rug, sunshine, a bottle of rosé, a baguette and you in a white linen dress blowing perfectly in the wind. Alas: the reality is usually a bit more dirty feet, sore bottom and ants in your hummus. My take on picnics? Cliché and awkward. This summer? I'll leave that picnic basket in the cupboard nicely. Does your date want to surprise you romantically with a picnic in the park? Then read this first. Here are six reasons why it's just really not a good idea. And no, not even if it involves burata - and when I say that, I mean business.
1. Picnicking seems cute, but you just sit on the floor
On Instagram, it all seems so idyllic. Someone in a perfectly ironed summer dress sits elegantly with her legs curled to the side on a floral dress. In reality, you are sitting on a bumpy lawn, with half a branch in your buttock, an ant in your armpit and your left leg in a position you won't feel after five minutes. Unless you are a yoga instructor or have trained in Zen meditation for years, picnicking is simply not made for the human body. And if you do necessarily go - ugh - At the very least, bring a folding chair or cushion. Your lower back is going to thank you.
2. The only guests who show up? Insects. Lots of insects.
The only company guaranteed to descend on your picnic? That's not your date, but a complete infestation of anything flying, stinging or crawling. As soon as you take that cucumber wrap out of your cooler, ants arrive in column. Wasps dive full on your juice, bees become completely obsessed with your floral dress, and flies swarm above your perfectly cut mango as if it were free festival snack. Before you know it, you're more concerned with swatting, blowing away and going “AAAAH! What was that on my neck?!” than with relaxed enjoyment. Nature is fun, but not when it sits on your lunch - and then accidentally ends up in your mouth. Help.
3. The weather forecast lies. Always.
When you say, “Let's go on a picnic tomorrow!”, Buienradar cheerfully says: 24 degrees, sunshine, zero chance of rain. You wake up, put on your breezy outfit, put on sun cream and look outside expectantly... Where is that sun? It is and always will be the Netherlands, ladies and gentlemen. And then, somewhere around 15:00: wind, clouds and a drizzling drizzle that ruins exactly your hummus, soaking wet dress and mood. Picnicking is really just camping for beginners - but with no tent, no toilet, no shelter. Camping, on the other hand? Mega cozy (Find the best camping tips here.)
4. A full-time job with back pain as a reward
Picnics take planning. And stuff. Lots of stuff. If you have a friend who arranges everything, it might just be doable. But if that friend is you: hello drama and bye bye daily budget. You should think of: a cooler (which you then have to drag for miles), plastic cups, forks, napkins, sun cream, a corkscrew, an umbrella (because sun), a jumper (because shade), plates, a speaker and something to put your rubbish in. Not to mention the food. How much it all costs? Think: two five-star lunches on a beachfront terrace. Well, then I know where I'd rather sit. On the beach, of course, and these are the most beautiful beaches in the Netherlands.
5. On Instagram, things seem better. Much better.
I'm not lying when I say social media can be fake. But picnic photos are really next-level fake. Flat lay perfection: wooden boards, fresh strawberries, champagne in crystal glasses (who seriously does that in the park?), and a sunset falling right on your prosecco cup. In reality, your picnic blanket is an old beach towel, your wraps are squashed in a tray and you get up every three minutes because you've sat down in something wet or sticky again. And that ‘spontaneous’ photo for your story? That one cost you 15 - or actually 50 - attempts, three filters, one lost pair of sunglasses and an argument with your BFF about how to hold the phone. This is the best way to edit your photos.
6. You end up with crumbs in your bag and grass in places it doesn't belong
A picnic rarely ends as it began. You start fresh, fruity and Pinterest-worthy. But by the end of the day, you have a rug full of crumbs, a bag full of sticky trays, and a head full of questions like, “Where did the hummus cap go?”, “Is that grass in my bra?” and “Who's taking that trash?”. Trust me: cleaning up together in the grass is anything but romantic. It is sighing, grumbling and half arguing about who should stuff the sticky forks into the rubbish bag. A sultry, movie-worthy after kiss? Forget it. Tips for a fun date though? you can read them here.
