This is how to deal with toxic colleagues

If you've just landed your dream job, then you can only hope for nice colleagues. It's a bit like the surprises back in elementary school: sometimes you're lucky and sometimes you're not at all. You can't control who you'll have to work with, and you'll just have to deal with it. Even if there's someone around who creates a rather tense atmosphere. To get through those workdays, personal and corporate coach Mason Farmani has a few tips to stay on top of toxic colleagues.

How do you recognize them?

We all have those bad days when it seems like we can only complain. But having a bad day now and then doesn't immediately make you toxic. It becomes a problem when someone is (almost) always negative. That certainly won't improve the atmosphere in the office. According to Farmani, there are more traits that are significant red flags. Colleagues who spread all sorts of gossip or confidential information without any effort, for example, are asking for trouble. The same goes for people who show zero flexibility in their work. Standing up for your own ideas is good; but never being open to those of others significantly hinders the company's growth. One last point of attention: competition. A little friendly rivalry for a promotion is normal, but seeing it too much as a competition makes teamwork nearly impossible. And that benefits no one, especially not the company.

What to do?

If you notice that one of your colleagues is making things quite difficult for the rest, you naturally want to do something about it. But how do you approach that? After a potential confrontation, you'll both have to sit together at the next meeting anyway. Fortunately, Farmani has several tips to improve the situation in the office.

1. Set clear boundaries
If your colleague comes to your desk to complain or gossip? Make it clear that you don't have time for that. By immediately setting your boundaries and showing that you don't want to be involved in all that gossip, you prevent yourself from ending up in potentially tricky situations. This also reduces the chance that you'll be bothered by this kind of information in the future.

2. Take emotional distance
If you're very involved in what happens within your company, the negativity from your toxic colleague can really get in your way. In that case, according to Farmani, it's important to realize that there are situations where you have no, or little, influence. This also applies to your colleague's behavior. By not acting out of emotion but responding as neutrally as possible, you keep as much distance as possible from what is happening. This way, you also give the other person as few handles as possible to involve you in all of this.

3. Listen actively
If you decide to respond to your colleague's statements, or if you really can't avoid it? Make sure you actively listen and acknowledge the other person's feelings. Stay as neutral as possible here as well, so you don't get sucked into that negative spiral. “This can help de-escalate the situation and can make them feel heard without it affecting you emotionally,” says Farmani.

4. Limit personal interactions
You don't choose your colleagues, and they certainly don't have to become your new best friends. As long as you get along well at work and can collaborate when necessary, that's more than enough. If your colleague is actually a big, walking red flag, keep it to business interactions; you can definitely decline that after-work drink.

5. Don't take it personally
With all that negativity, it can happen that you become a victim of all the complaining and gossip. Although it's certainly not pleasant to hear rumors or blunt remarks about yourself, according to Farmani, it's important not to take it personally. “Remind yourself that toxic behavior is a reflection of your colleague's problems, not of your worth.” Easier said than done, of course, but still important to remember.

6. Be extra kind to yourself outside of work
Dealing with a toxic colleague all day is quite exhausting. That's why it's important to spend some extra time on yourself and the things that make you happy outside of work hours. Whether it's a workout, a long walk, or a good book, as long as it helps you let go of everything and relax. This way, you can face the next day again.

7. Think in solutions
If you're confronted with one insult after another, it's tempting to fight back immediately. But that will only make the situation worse. It's better to take a step back and look for solutions, no matter how difficult that seems at the moment. Ask your colleague what you can do to solve the problems and how you can help them. If you don't get swept up in that storm, the other person will also calm down much faster.

8. Find something in common
If someone starts ranting (negatively) at you again? Then it's nice to be able to change the subject to something more positive. See if you share an interest or are working on the same project, for example. This way, you always have something up your sleeve to quickly stop the toxic conversations.

9. Dare to confront
No one enjoys a conflict, I prefer to avoid it as well. But by constantly avoiding those difficult conversations, you'll never be able to solve the problem. This only increases frustrations and allows toxic behavior to continue. By approaching the conversation calmly and not letting your emotions lead you too much, you can come to a solution together. And often, the conversation is much less intense than you were so afraid of.

10. Pay attention to your own behavior
Being in a toxic (work) environment continuously can cause you to catch yourself gossiping or complaining more quickly. It's a reflex that you might not always notice right away. Going along with that negative atmosphere only worsens the situation in the office and is also not good for your own reputation. According to Farmani, it's therefore extra important to remain aware of your own behavior and to reflect more often on how you act and react. This way, you prevent other colleagues from having to use this list later on for you.

One extra tip: write down special situations and behaviors. Especially if the other person has a higher position, or is perhaps even your manager, it's nice to stand a bit firmer. This way, you always have something to fall back on if things really get out of hand and extra help is needed to deal with that toxic colleague.

Source: PureWow