This is why you should talk about children on a first date
A first date is often a bit of a combination of awkward silences and somewhat superficial conversations. To avoid getting too ahead of yourself, you tend to linger on the ‘what are your hobbies’ questions. But why is that? According to dating experts, it's actually good to talk about serious things right away: your future plans, ambitions, and also that desire for children.
Future-proofing
According to relationship expert Shan Boodram, we're going to do things completely differently in 2025. Future-proofing will be the new trend in the dating world. It essentially means that from the very first moment, you try to steer the conversation in a way that allows you to determine whether the relation long-term can be a success. By discussing things like a desire for children or career ambitions, you can discover whether your goals and priorities are somewhat aligned. According to Boodram, this tactic helps prevent you from being too influenced by those rose-colored glasses and ignoring important red flags. If it's not going to work out, it's a shame to waste each other's time and energy. It's better to find that out as soon as possible.
How do you approach that?
Discussing such ‘big’ topics right away might feel a bit overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be that way. Boodram has a few tips to tackle future-proofing effectively.
1. Start with yourself
Before you can ask your date about all future plans, it's handy if you can also provide answers yourself. You can only compare whether your goals align if you have yours clearly laid out. Therefore, first think about what your ambitions and priorities are, so you can search for your ideal match more purposefully.
2. Choose tactical date locations
If you find it difficult to start talking about children, you can make it a bit easier for yourself by choosing your date location tactically, according to Boodram. For example, meet in a park where many families come. This way, you can subtly respond to something happening around you and open the conversation. The place where you meet can also say a lot about who you are. Do you prefer a busy terrace or are you looking for a quieter spot?
3. Be consistent and stable in your communication
Starting to discuss big topics sooner doesn't mean you have to make decisions right away. You'll still need multiple dates and quite a few conversations to really get to know someone. By constantly focusing on future-proofing, you can quickly discover what a potential future might look like and whether you're on board with that.
4. Ask the right questions
It may be that your date isn't necessarily focused on future-proofing. You don't want to scare them off with overly direct questions. A date shouldn't feel like a job interview. By being a bit creative with your questions, you can still learn a lot about someone's future plans in a light-hearted way. For example, ask if someone has siblings and what that is like. This way, you can discover how someone thinks about family and a potential desire for children. Also important: follow up on their answers. This makes it a natural conversation instead of a one-sided interview.
5. Be open and honest
If you want to know everything about them, it will naturally be the same the other way around. According to Boodram, it's important to be open and honest yourself, no matter how exciting that may be. This also prevents doubts from arising about the other person's intentions. You can never plan out your entire future and you don't have to. But future-proofing will at least make the search for that ideal long-term match a little bit easier.
Source: The Every Girl, Image: HBO, Sex and the City
