Red flag alert: what is future faking?

In that scary initial phase of a (maybe) new relationship, you look for confirmation in everything that the other person really wants to go for it too. When your potential partner starts talking about future scenarios and can't wait to do everything together, that's of course exactly what you want to hear. But a little reality check: we need to whistle you back here. Those quick promises can also be a disguised red flag. TikTok is under the spell of the latest dating trend future faking; and believe us: this is one you’d rather skip.

What is future faking?

You want to avoid anything with the term ‘faking’ in a relationship; and this variant even more so. The dating trend future faking means that a (potential) partner tries to seduce you with all sorts of rosy future scenarios, without any intention of making them come true. Plans for beautiful trips or introducing you to family? Anything goes. It seems like a grand gesture and a sign of commitment, but the real dedication is secretly hard to find.

Why is future faking extra mean? Daters who do this often play flawlessly into the needs of the other. Do you crave stability? Then that's exactly what they promise you. This creates hope and suddenly that connection feels very real. Until the moment arrives and they let you down. The idea of a relation they find attractive, but the execution? That turns out to be a different story.

A future faker also remains vague in their promises. Concrete plans or actions are lacking. If someone really wants to go for you, they are not afraid to take action; unlike someone who gets stuck in this dating trend.

Why do people engage in future faking?

Just like with many other red flag dating trends, the big question arises here: why would you engage in future faking? First, a little reassurance: according to experts, manipulation is not always the goal. Future fakers are often also looking for confirmation, closeness, and the feeling that someone really wants them. They just choose a somewhat selfish route; and that can have various causes.

You may have already noticed, but future faking often has narcissistic traits. Binding someone to you with beautiful promises can give a sense of control, often in the form of false intimacy. The enthusiasm and hope that this evokes in you gives the other person a sense of power. They feel desired, seen — and yes, that can give quite a kick. If you then take some distance, you often see that they switch to love bombing. Everything to regain that control and keep you close.

At the same time, not everyone who engages in future faking is necessarily narcissistic. It can also indicate difficulty with emotional maturity or fear of real connection. Future faking does offer the intensity of a relationship, but without the responsibility that comes with it. It creates the illusion of a bond and a shared future — without that actually happening.

This is how you recognize future faking

How do you recognize the difference between a sincere promise and a future faking scenario? To be honest, that's quite difficult. Especially because your mind automatically reacts happily when you finally seem to get that much-desired confirmation. But after a while, the signals often become clearer. The promises feel more uncomfortable and especially vaguer. In the worst case, you even get blamed if things are not fulfilled. We want to avoid that, of course; and that can be done by paying attention to these signals signals.

The most striking signal? No future promise is actually fulfilled. As soon as you notice that no steps are being taken to get even a little closer to ‘your future’, the alarm bell should ring. Lack of concrete actions is simply not a good sign. And yes, we mentioned it briefly: love bombing. Are you constantly overwhelmed with declarations of love, long messages, and pet names? Then someone is mainly trying to bind you to them with words. If you then start asking questions or trying to make it more concrete, you suddenly hear terms like ’someday‘ or ’it's going too fast‘. Confusing, and not coincidentally.

Perhaps the most important (and difficult) signal: your intuition. Do you feel uncomfortable in the relationship or do you increasingly doubt the sincerity of the other? Then that usually says enough. Constantly going along with someone else's pace and living with uncertainty is not sustainable for anyone. It's hard to act on that, but one thing is certain: your feelings do not lie.

This is what you can do if you suspect future faking

Do you feel like you are dealing with future faking? Then there are a few things you can do to gain more clarity. To start with: take it a little slower. Future fakers often thrive on the enthusiasm they evoke in you. By taking a step back, you can better observe how the other reacts. Do they, for example, switch to love bombing? In the beginning of a relationship, you still need to get to know someone — and that takes time. By actually taking that time, you prevent yourself from being swept away by beautiful promises that may mean little.

Has your contact lasted a bit longer or do you keep doubting? Then ask targeted questions about those future plans. Pay particular attention to how the other responds. Do the answers sound sincere? Do they become concrete? And perhaps most importantly: are there also actions that follow? If words and behavior do not match, you usually know enough. What is also essential: set clear boundaries. Indicate what you need. Do you want more clarity? Say so. Should the focus return to the present? You can express that too.

And especially remember this: it is not your fault. That someone does not keep their promises says nothing about you. You deserve more than just words — you deserve someone who also makes them come true. Sometimes that also means knowing when it's time to let go. If the situation continues to drain your energy and you end up in a negative spiral? Then taking distance is not a weakness, but self-protection. Your well-being comes first. Always.

Source: The Every Girl