THE MORE EMOJI’S YOU USE, THE MORE SEX YOU HAVE? I CALL BULLSHIT

So this was a trending topic last week on Facebook. Well, without the bullshit part. That’s my own personal touch.

This whole topic arose after the American dating website match.com did a bit of ‘research’ and sent out their annual survey. Apparently what they discovered is that people who use a ton of emoji’s when they’re texting have a more active sex life. So let’s break it down into their numbers. According to Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, 54% of the emoji users had sex in 2014 opposed to the 31% of the singles who didn’t use any. And apparently the more emoji’s you used, the more sex there was. Match.com’s theory is based on men and women between the ages 20 to 40. Lastly, 62% of the emoji users hopes to get married one day, whereas the non users only have 30% hoping for it.

These kinds of click bait researches always make me sigh. Research that works well on the internet or even on the radio, but where the scientific part is very questionable. “But she’s a professional biological anthropologist!” Yeah I know, I googled her and miss Fisher has been working for Match.com since 2005, so her independence remains to be proven.

Do you seriously believe there is any kind of correlation between the amount of sex you have hand how many fucking emoji’s you use?? And that you’re suddenly going to start using a whole bunch of emoji’s to crank up the amount of sex you’re going to have? Come on people, we’re smarter than this. Let’s be real, the people who usually use a ton of emoji’s are generally young so then shouldn’t the headline just be: “young people use more emoji’s than older people.” But I guess that’s not interesting enough for social media right?

There are undoubtedly a multitude of other connections we can find. People who regularly go on long walks have more sex, people who’ve been single for a long period of time have less sex, or perhaps more, it all depends on how you look at the data. It kind of reminds me of research done a while back by Harley Davidson in which it ‘appeared’ that female’s who ride motorcycles have a better sex life. I remember writing about it back then. Bullshit.

As is this emoji story. Seriously. Do yourself a favor and don’t base your sex life on these kinds of facts. So when you’re in the mood for some fondling under the covers, pull that man of yours into bed or find a cute guy in a nearby bar. Just drop the emoji’s.