Confession: I don't drink coffee

Yep, that’s right, I find it NOT drinkable. Many people always find that unbelievable and I'm considering setting up a kind of don't-drink-coffee bingo because everyone always says the exact same thing with great panic in their eyes:

“But, how do you get up in the morning?”
“And what if you have a hangover?”
“Have you ever tried it then?”
“Aha so you’re one of those tea people?
“Oh come on, you just have to learn to drink it.”

Now there are plenty of moments when I would really like to drink coffee. Like today, for example, now that I am sitting at my desk with quite small eyes after an evening in Hilversum that started with the finale of Holland's Next Top Model and ended at the afterparty of the premiere of Pak Van Mijn Hart. With a little five hours of sleep in my legs, a cup of energy is quite attractive.

Coffee is for so many people an indispensable part of their day that they almost take it as a personal insult when I find it disgusting.

But despite that, I am fairly satisfied that I don't drink coffee. I already smoke, drink enough and spend the whole day on Instagram, I can't handle another addiction. Coffee is for so many people an indispensable part of their day that they almost take it as a personal insult when I find it disgusting. And of course, it's true, I've never learned to drink it. There was a time when I found beer and wine undrinkable but that has completely changed and it would have been the same with coffee.

For those who are still tormented by the don't-drink-coffee mafia, here are some nice facts you can wave in their coffee faces.

1. There are studies showing that if you are younger than 55, and drink four cups of coffee or more per day, your risk of death increases by 56%. Ha!

2. Coffee is extremely bad for your heart and significantly increases the chances of a heart attack.

3. Coffee causes stress by increasing adrenaline production. And stress, that's not good for humans.

4. Coffee contains acrylamide, which is a substance that at least in animals increases the risk of uterine cancer, ovarian cancer, and kidney cancer. In animal tests, carcinogenic phenomena occur and it is assumed that this line can be extended to humans.

So, if you see me ordering a cup of tea next time, don't come at me with nonsense about me being a boring tea box because then I'll just rattle off all four points. That'll teach you.