For teaching and amusement

These are the worst male blunders

Here at the editorial office, we are only with women and put women together day in and day out in a closed space and then they go within no time telling each other everything. There are few things that are not said here and I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that 70% of the stories are about something with men and something with sex. It's no different. Among the success stories are also enough disaster stories and during a round of exchanging our own disasters and those of friends, I decided to type along and share that with you. Because you are of course also part of our group. So here they come, the most terrible male stories from us and from the women around us.

“I had my first date with a new potential flame and we were sitting in a fairly dark cocktail bar on a bench. Really one of those trendy and pitch-dark places. It was a very nice date and there is always that moment when you can look at your phone, so we did too. Of course, I had a thousand HOW ARE YOU texts from my friends and I wanted to secretly send them a photo of my date, so I subtly aimed my camera at him for a snapshot. At that moment, a sort of enormous spotlight shone directly on him because it turned out the flash was still on. “Ehh I'm just taking a picture of my cocktail” I quickly shouted, but he of course knew exactly what was going on and I was dying of embarrassment.”

“Ehh I'm just taking a picture of my cocktail”

“A friend of mine was invited years ago to the stinking rich in-laws of her new French boyfriend for the Christmas brunch. Really those very chic rich French people in a gigantically beautiful old creaky house. But she had to go to the bathroom and when she has to, she has to. And a lot too. You know what I mean. Once done with The Act, she wanted to flush the evidence but then the handle of the flush broke off. There she was with that enormous poop in the bowl that she couldn't flush anymore. After fifteen minutes, she really had to go back and decided in total panic to wrap her hand completely in toilet paper and pick up that poop and throw it hard out the window. And then go back to the table, right.”

“I was once at the summer barbecue of my brand new in-laws and was wearing such a beautiful big skirt. After I went to the bathroom, it turned out that not only my skirt had stayed in my underwear, but that the whole Glorix block was stuck to my skirt. I was walking towards the group when I realized this and then walked backwards back to the bathroom to hang that thing back on the bowl. It was awful.”

The whole Glorix block was stuck to my skirt

“I was once having sex with my new boyfriend whom I was head over heels in love with, and I had not long before started with the NuvaRing. You know, that contraceptive ring that you have to insert every three weeks and then keep in. But at the end of the party, he had fished that thing out of me and it was therefore around his penis. Pretty awkward.”

It was therefore around his penis. Pretty awkward.

“After a night of way too much drinking, I ended up in the bed of a man who was quite nice in the dark, but less so in the morning. When I woke up with my hungover head and saw that he was lying next to me, I thought “oh Jesus I need to get out of here NOW.” So I got out of bed and planned to sneak out of the house very secretly and never look back. All my clothes were still in the living room, because that's where the party started, and his bedroom was one floor up. Naked as a jaybird, I tiptoed out of that bedroom, started on the stairs, slipped, and fell down all the steps on my bare butt to then land hard on the ground. Of course, he woke up and asked what on earth I was doing. I mumbled something about going to the bathroom, to which he said that it was next to the bedroom “you know that, right?” In the end, I was forced to lie back in that bed to leave a few hours later still quickly shouting that I had forgotten an appointment. I never saw him again.”

Naked as a jaybird, I tiptoed out of that bedroom.

“I was on a date, halfway through the evening we had already kissed, and that tasted like more. It was reasonably expected that I would go home with him and since I was already a bit, eh, in the mood, I thought hmm it would be nice if that thong came off soon and that it was still free of drafty wetness. And so on. So I went to the bathroom, wrapped a whole piece of toilet paper in my thong with the intention of taking it out just before leaving. But of course, naturally, I forgot that so when I took off my clothes, I quickly shoved that sort of diaper away a bit, but I'm pretty sure he saw it.”