This morning the cleaner came. I had exactly ten minutes before I would hear her put the key in the lock. Like crazy, I ran through the house. Sweeping my daughter's toys (she particularly enjoys stacking all her toys on top of each other, which results in a construction of 1 by 1. Meter, that is.) into the box, breakfast stuff to the kitchen, dishwasher on, cloth over the table and I was ready for her arrival.
I know what you're thinking. I thought the same. Totally ridiculous. Because that's exactly why I hire her. I did a quick survey among my colleagues and came up with this list of things that a man wouldn't do so quickly.
1. Let's start with the scale phenomenon. We all do different things with it, but for all of us, it can be characterized as slightly deviant behavior. What we all have in common is that we pee first before weighing ourselves. It makes a difference. And we will never stand on the scale with wet hair. You get it. I'm such an opportunistic coward that I always let the lowest weight count. So if I step on the scale twice and one time I'm three ounces lighter than the other time (that happens sometimes, no idea how that can be), then the lowest weight counts for me.
Another colleague, whose name I cannot mention for privacy reasons, always steps on the scale three or five times. Best out of three, she calls it. The weight that occurs most often counts.
Another colleague who prefers to remain anonymous always sets her mind a little higher than the weight she thinks it will be. It always turns out to be less, actually. There's something to be said for that.
2. The doorbell
Preferably, we all don't open the door when the doorbell rings. If we have an appointment, fine, but for unexpected visitors, we prefer to treat them to a closed door. One of us lives on the third floor but can see who is ringing her doorbell via a little camera. She has to be quick because a light goes on when someone rings the bell, then she has to press the light switch again herself, and then the person ringing the bell immediately knows that you are home.
Unfortunately, I live in a real house with windows and such, so I can't ignore the doorbell. Then those people just start tapping on the window. Blood irritating. I need to come up with something for that.
3. Lying about your detox.
We all say we detox because we want to be healthy but secretly we just want to lose that little bulge above our waistband.
4. Taking your phone to the toilet.
And then sending messages to your colleagues from the toilet. Very gross and embarrassing, but we do that. 5. Shopping without checking out.
Our ideal late-night activity. Shopping online, loading our cart full, and then not clicking through to 'purchase'. Then we still feel satisfied. It can be that simple.
6. Always lowball when checking your balance.
The reverse scale trick. Thinking it’s less than you think it will be (men, I understand if you’re dropping out now) and then being very relieved when you see your actual balance. And then
shopping of course . Oh, we are so predictable.. This morning the cleaner came. I had exactly ten minutes before I would hear her putting the key in the lock. I ran through the house like crazy. My daughter's toys (she thinks it's...
