Fun & Famous

RELATIONSHIP? THEN YOUR LIFE IS OVER

At least, if we are to believe the studies from dating site Lexa.nl. Last week, I received a press release with the headline “Lexa presents Singles bucket list.” And of course, I wanted to know more about that.

The first sentence is: “When Dutch people have to choose how they want to spend their last evening as a single, they prefer to do this with a good bottle of wine on the couch, accompanied by cheese and a movie.” I really had to read it three times to understand what was being said. Their last evening? Are they then dead afterwards? Is a relationship the end of a life in which you decide how you spend your evenings? Four out of ten singles indicate such a couch evening as their preference. Furthermore, 28% says they want to party all night long with their friends, 21% enjoys watching their favorite series or football match all night long, and 20% indicates a one night stand or a threesome.

I really had to read it three times to understand what was being said. Their last evening? Are they then dead afterwards?

My ears are ringing from this. Since when can’t you party with your friends if you’re in a relationship? Or do you have to give up your couch evenings? What kind of madness is this? And just when you think it can’t get worse, you read that going on a world trip is something all respondents mention as an activity they want to do before their long-term relationship. In second place is “working abroad” and in third place comes, hold on: “building a career.” 17% indicates that. So 17% thinks they need to build a career before a long-term relationship. I’m almost crying behind my MacBook now.

This morning I called Lexa to ask if there were people who indicated that they did NOT feel that they could no longer do certain things. “We did not investigate that.” It was set up in such a way that you could choose from pre-defined activities, so the research started from the assumption that you would no longer be able to do certain things.

The other things on the bucket list are; preparing your favorite unhealthy meal full of onions and garlic (13%), using the bathroom with the door open and walking around the house naked all day long (10%), growing as much hair as possible in all places, no need to shave! (6%) and finally, being a daredevil: bungee jumping or skydiving (6%).

It seems to me the downfall of Lexa and thus of all dating sites: how can you even want a relationship if that means you can no longer do all this?

So if you have a relationship, you can no longer jump out of a plane, you must go through life always shaved, the bathroom door is always closed, onions and garlic are taboo, and you must especially not think that you can still travel a bit or build a career. It seems to me the downfall of Lexa and thus of all dating sites: how can you even want a relationship if that means you can no longer do all this?

The relationship as a limiting state of being, I find it intensely sad. Why not jump out of a plane together? Why not have a man or woman who encourages you to explore the world on your own? Why not cuddle on the couch with those cheeses and a bottle of wine? Am I crazy? I can only conclude that being single has never seemed so attractive. And maybe that’s a nice outcome, after years of single-shaming it is now the committed person who draws the short straw. And so you see, things can change, that whole not-changing.