Happy & Healthy
INTROVERT VS EXTRAVERT
What you can learn from the other
I probably don't need to tell you which category I fall into: extrovert to the freaking max. With a double somersault and a backflip if I may. For a long time, I always thought this was undoubtedly the best of the two ‘options’. I mean, how nice is it to always dare to approach everyone, take risks, be the life of the party here and there, and as a rule-maker get a lot done? My love, on the other hand, is introverted (read here how to keep that relationship with your opposite pleasant for a long time by the way). He can listen, I can't keep my mouth shut for even ten minutes. He stays safely with a beer at the bar during a night out, while I, after two wines, shamelessly take over the dance floor. He doesn't mind eating at the same restaurant a hundred times if the food is ‘fine’ and is perfectly okay with going to the same hotel twice in a row in the summer. I find that just meh. I want to fill my life with as many new experiences as possible. And then scream about it and narcissistically post on Instagram about how amazing it was.
‘People, I sometimes get TIRED of myself’
In the past, I surrounded myself almost exclusively with similar extroverts like me (fiery friendships, fiery ex-lovers), but for a number of years now, I have been strolling the streets more often with an introvert by my side. I am jealous of that one friend who can listen all night while I sit hysterically on the talking chair. When I then try to turn the conversation around, we end up in the situation where she says she hasn't experienced anything ‘special’ and then I just barrel over with story X and situation Y.
People, I sometimes get TIRED of myself. Being introverted actually seems super relaxed to me. I really don't understand why some introverts seem to be ashamed of their calmness. Or well, maybe I do. It's often the extroverts among us who play a role in this because we point our fingers and use the word ‘boring’. I think that's pretty stupid. And I don't actually experience that myself. My introverted boyfriend is the yin of my yang and after a night out with my ‘extra-friends’, I can have deep conversations for hours with my ‘intro-friends’. And with some friends even both at the same time.
‘Know that extroverted people seem strong, but are often insecure enough.’
That whole categorizing thing is really annoying, but I also notice that I do it. For a long time, I thought about my boyfriend: oh, but he will surely behave more extroverted in the future because of me. Which is of course complete nonsense, because introverted and extroverted refers exactly to what gives you energy. Introverts get that from being by themselves, from their own thoughts and ideas. Extroverts get energy from as many stimuli as possible and their interactions with other people. That's how you're born. It's something that stays with you your whole life. You can learn to behave more extroverted or introverted temporarily, if necessary, but the question is how long you can maintain that because it costs a shitload of energy. And do you eventually happier not being completely yourself? Don’t think so. And if you're sitting there thinking: person, what are you babbling about and where is your freaking point? It actually comes down to me wanting to tell you to accept the other. Look at what you can learn from that ‘calm’ friend. Know that extroverted people seem strong, but are often insecure enough and perhaps scream extra to cover this up. And just because that introverted colleague doesn't immediately try to push his or her opinion in a discussion during a meeting doesn't mean he/she doesn't have an opinion or ideas. Introverts definitely have those, and often well-founded and thought-out too. They just need to feel safe enough and get the calm and space to bring that opinion forward. Keep that in mind the next time you call someone boring. Or loud.
