Fun & Famous

Kiki's Expedition Robinson ramblings

Week 10

A very good morning, dear Ex Robjes. So, that was something, huh, with Farmer Bertie last week? In case you were hiding under a rock; I was in Greece without any Robinson possibilities, so I had the most flashy pop-up editor activated that I could find. What a writing talent that Zeeuwse Bertie has, man oh man. She immediately signed three book deals: Bertie Stays, Praying with Bertie, and not to forget bestseller Bertie Bakes.

Alright, enough Bertie chatter, just a little more about the episode. Good grief, what a hour full of hate and spite it was last night. Voting my boy Dave out, have they gone completely CRAZY on that island?! He gets the same offer as everyone else, but chooses to go back to his ‘Mokum’. What the heck? WHY not that cookie from his own Dave? You seemed really enthusiastic last week with those god-awful handsome bead eyes. Were you all on the edge of your seat SCREAMING NOOOOOOOOOO? Even my cat Luna got a bit snippy about it. Yes, my cat watches Expedition Robinson. No, that's not a joke, she really does. The intro tune with that damn bird just has to start and she runs to the TV. Purring when Dave comes on screen, people it's too cute. But everything is now over. My boy Dave is no more. My boy even fled to Spain to not think about that 240 hours of community service.

Anyway, back to snitch camp. I was just starting to like Jalou a bit, but that muscular loudmouth can get a one-way ticket to Schiphol as far as I'm concerned. A bittersweet revenge plan from Dio is coming (I just love you, man) and that's exactly what we've been waiting for: revenge bitches, REVENGE. The best television, let's be honest. Because not keeping to the gentlemen's agreement, that's not very nice, right Anna? It feels like we've landed in a bad Great Gatsby movie. Good heavens, this intro is getting way too long, let's do what it's all about: babbling about the episode in 13 points.

1. To start with the funniest Twitter joke of the week: That bird is definitely the Donald Trump of #expeditierobinson. You don't want him to come, but you actually know better...

2. Jalou, since you can stir up the fire in the group so nicely, just drop that colored panther leggings in the basket right away, okay? Better for everyone if that goes up in flames.

3. Stonie melonie Dio in meditation mode during the trial with the wobbly platform. “I was gonna clean my room until I got high….” Cause I got high, because I got high, because I got high, lalalalalala…

4. Then just a little about that trial, huh, I would have been left standing there and my whole vocabulary of swear words would have rolled out. Whole traumas came popping up. Like when my whole Jenga tower fell over as a six-year-old. Do you guys still remember Jenga? Just as damn annoying and nerve-wracking as Mikado.

5. I think I bit off a piece of the couch, my cat (a piece of tail I think) and from my fingertips during the trial. Where I was quite well-behaved #TEAMANNA. And, if I were to give someone food again based on last week, it would be almost went under this week, I genuinely see her going far. Being very understanding and shit, but in the meantime... Oh and An, can you explain to me how that works with those braids? I find it amazing. well. Even if it's just for the hilarious wild look with which she shoves that Conimex wok dish down her throat. Oh no, Go-Tan was the sponsor. Enjoy wokking guys, with Go-Tan.

6. By the way, that was a bit awkward huh An, that you took ‘the wrong one’ to winner's island in all the euphoria. HAHA. And speaking of awkward, Suzan: those stiff nipples, I don't know...

7. Do you guys miss Bartho's fluffy beard too? Man man... #WeWantBarthoBack

8. Dave, just a little more about that community service, huh. I can tell you that I was also naughty on a blue Monday and walked around a schoolyard with a garbage bag and a picker, it wasn't that bad. I even made it a bit hip after two days. You probably did too. P.S.: send me your Spanish hiding address, let's chill jwz.

9. The most beautiful sentence from this entire program still comes from episode 1. “I am Bertie… Farmer.”

10. Okay, one more funny tweet then. “I always feel a kind of envy when I see Jalouzie…”

11. In ‘Who Is The Mole?’ you always have one naive loser who becomes friends with The Mole, you know? Koos, you come with your statement “I notice that Dio and Thomas have no hidden agenda, and I find that very pleasant” PRETTY close.

12. And if we're talking about Koos, this comes from a diehard reader fan: “Please mention in the expedition-robinson post-discussion, that dirty, maybe drool maybe coconut piece on Koos's mouth. YUCK KOOS. Why is no one saying anything about that!?” Michelle, here you go. Koos, YUCK!

13. Next week: Bertie and JayJay (HA, not talked about at all in this column: friend, how is it?!) are making farmer babies on loser island, My boy Dave is emigrating to Curaçao to escape the cops, and Jalou is being eaten by the Jayminator. See ya next week!