Happy & Healthy

PLEA FOR THE FIRM HANDSHAKE

Everyone has their quirks, but when we throw a party, I calculate in advance how many kisses I will be giving out so carelessly. Say, we are organizing the Look of the Year Awards with 120 guests. That means 120 x 3 kisses upon arrival and 120 x 3 upon departure, plus a few winners and their entourage in between. On such an evening, you easily end up with a thousand kisses. And I still find all those people nice, attractive, and fresh.

But when I attend a birthday party and have to go around the whole circle... Do you know that? With always some uncle or mustached neighbor who parks the third kiss right on your mouth. One might almost wish for a cold sore from it..

Another dilemma. You’ve worked together for a day. We often make a video, and yes, there’s a director and a cameraman, and there are some guys for lighting and sound and assistants. I’ve hardly exchanged a word with them, have no idea what their names are, and yet I find myself kissing them at the end of the day. On the cheek, mind you, but it always feels strange, awkward, and too intimate.

“Moreover, you also need to clearly announce that you will stop after a kiss because otherwise there is an incredibly dangerous risk of collision.”

Jort Kelder fights for the ‘one-kiss policy’ where he lets a neat fleeting kiss brush past your cheek. Fine, charming, and much quicker at parties with 120 guests. Only that one kiss is sometimes even more intimate than the official three, so that doesn’t solve my problem with the sound guys of this world (although I could still kiss them, because they’ve already touched me in all sorts of indecent places, read here but how that comes) and moreover, you also need to clearly announce that you will stop after a kiss because otherwise there is an incredibly dangerous risk of collision. Or still face-to-face situations, which you were just trying to avoid.

That’s why I plead for the reintroduction of the firm handshake. For uncles, neighbors, vague colleagues, interns pitching their research, business relations, and the gentleman from the ANWB. A hand. A good one, to look at. Optionally, you can upgrade it by placing your left hand back on his/her hand or by resting your free hand on the shoulder, but it remains a handshake.

At least your makeup stays a bit intact.