Sexy Friday
Why a threesome is just not such a good idea
One of my exes was completely on board: a threesome. While I thought it was a downright stupid idea for him to involve someone else in our romantic playfight , I pretended to be okay with it just to see how far he had already developed ‘the plan’ in his head. A call to all women: don’t try this at home. This is pretty much the ABSOLUTE DUMBEST thing you can do.
“Wow, exciting, and who did you have in mind for that?”, I asked in a tone that seemed calm, really, while I felt my teeth grinding and adrenaline pumping through my body (women are sneaky creatures, you know.). He: ”Yeah, no idea. A stranger? Or is a friend maybe nicer?” Me: “Hmm, a friend? As in: one of my girlfriends?” He: “Uh, maybe? If you think that’s a good idea?” Think: ouch ouch ouch, then regroup and say: “Okay, just for speculation, which of my girlfriends would you see that with?” And at that moment it happened. He named her. My bestie. Then something snaps in your head. Suddenly I felt a kind of strange anger towards my best friend AND I knew this would not be the man I would grow old with.
‘Then the rival suddenly takes off her clothes and there’s no LITTLE HOLE to be found in her legs and you feel a bit like the Fat Doeda in the story’
The misery of threesomes. I’ve often talked about it with girlfriends (laughed even harder with my bestie) and ultimately I conclude that I just find it all complicated. Suppose you and your partner want a threesome. Then rules need to be established first. Rules, sex, and a third person in the picture are all the ingredients needed for a explosive cocktail of arguments. Well penetration or just fooling around and skipping the real deal? Yuck, how difficult.
And suppose you’ve found a person, do you first get each other hot over WhatsApp? And when the terror date finally shows up at the door like a frisky cat and you don’t feel a click, do you just send her away? At the same time: if she is attractive and fun, how the hell do you break the ice? Do you offer coffee first? Or is that lame and do you immediately reach for the champagne? Or do you head straight upstairs? How can you make that transition? Then suddenly the lady takes off her clothes and there’s no LITTLE HOLE to be found in her legs and her breasts are eerily perfect. And you feel a bit like the Fat Doeda in the story. And by the way, who the hell is next in line and what do you do if you have nothing, uh, to do? ‘Make a circle so everyone can ‘give’ and ‘receive’’, is pretty much everywhere on the internet. AM I PRUDISH IF I FIND THAT SCARY SOUNDING? Man, man, man.
”What if you suddenly feel jealousy, disappointment, or hurt feelings”
What if you suddenly feel jealousy, disappointment, or hurt feelings while your partner is casually hanging out with That Other? It remains a sensitive issue. In short: I still think you save your relationship a lot of misery if you just keep it as a fantasy. And for the daredevils who secretly see it as an option, I will soon write a step-by-step plan on how to approach this very carefully. Then I’ll check with my friend group how to pull it off successfully.
