AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE OLD

(checklist in 10 points)

I heard myself say it. That I had such a nice, young architect. Just like us. Correction. He is nice and young, we might be nice, but young is a thing of the past.

Do you know that? That life suddenly holds up a mirror to you and shows how others see you. I once brainstormed about an event for young mothers and unsolicited shared what my experiences were. “But how old are you by now?” A sales colleague raised an eyebrow. “I mean, sorry but do you still fit in the category of young mothers?” Bam. There it was. I am old. And this is the proof.

Your friends are no longer boys, but men

For a long time, I talked about ‘a nice boy’. My partner's hairdresser was ‘a nice boy’, the one where we buy wine was ‘the boy of the wine’ became ‘wine gentleman’. I held onto that ‘boy’ for a long time. Until they were about 35, but suddenly you have to admit: they are men. Of age.

The menu is a thing

You have romantic candlelight. All nice and well, but it does nothing for readability. A few years ago, I still got away with holding the candle close to the text. That's no longer enough. Then I took a screenshot of the menu, pretended to be busy with serious matters on my phone, and cowardly enlarged the image so I could still read it. Last Monday was the low point. I was sitting with colleague Daniëlle (same age group) on a terrace in Paris (where we this all learned by the way). I looked to the right, she looked to the left. We were both studying the menu with our iPhone flashlights. And oh yes, we also held the menu a meter away from us. If you still insist that you are young, you have Alzheimer's.

You have Alzheimer's

Or brain softening or Korsakoff or a full hard drive. Call it whatever you want, but you no longer remember the name of that news anchor from back in the day who is now the party leader for D66, what that reddish actor's name was who was so brilliant and committed suicide two years ago, what that wrong boyfriend of Kate Moss was called who looked a bit too often and too deeply into the glass. But also that intern you suddenly see whizzing by on a bike. You can certainly remember that face, but that name. That name. Even if they beat you to death on the spot.

We were both studying the menu with our iPhone flashlights

The pillow is in your head

So I saw very strange wrinkles. On the side of my forehead. Now I've seen wrinkles in many places, but on the side of a forehead, that was news. After thorough research, it turned out my pillow was the culprit. And my state of being, that too. Because in the past, the pillow and I easily let each other go upon waking, now I carry the memory for another hour and really need to smooth it out.

A wrinkly neck

I suddenly saw it in photos. A Shar-Pei neck. Or as my youngest daughter says: stripes. “Mom, you have stripes.”

The Courteney Cox check

The first episode of Cougar Town had Courteney dismiss the tip (well, tip, tip...) on how you know you are officially old. If you can easily grab the skin on your elbow. Check. Guilty. Everything.

You wake up earlier

The older you get, the earlier you wake up. You probably also crash earlier (check), but at the crack of dawn, you are sitting next to your bed.

Everyone reads your WhatsApp

Why? Because your font is so bloody big that everyone can read along from three meters away. So be careful with what you write. Gossiping is no longer possible. This by the way, there are other things we find annoying about WhatsApp.

You do this

When a colleague sits down to let me read something, I first set the light meter to maximum and then the font size to 200%. There. To the point.

You are happy

Yes. I am. And content. I know what I can roughly eat while maintaining the same size. I know what I can drink to avoid a hangover the next day. I know who my friends are, I know how long I can keep the envelopes from the Tax Authorities closed to still open them just in time, I know who the love of my life is, I know which creams help me best throughout the day, I have collected plenty of nice bags and I have a thousand beautiful memories. Moral: wrinkly neck, reading glasses, and loose elbow skin I take in stride. Ultimately, I am happier than when I was 27. Or is it due to brain softening?