Six seconds of kissing is enough
The recipe for long and happy
Over a table of plates full of grilled aubergines, mussels in garlic and giant prawns at our holiday address, my boyfriend and I also promised each other to do more together. Because we always end up in a kind of run-your-own-rotation version of our lives the weeks before we leave, where we blink at each other in the morning and fall asleep against each other on the sofa at night. Now if you're thinking ’how sweet’, I'll take you out of the delusion for a moment, because with a mouth open and a snore here and there, it all becomes a lot less cute. But now I read at our big sister (you know: Franska.nl) that an average couple with children sometimes doesn't even make it to seven minutes a day with time together. Doesn't strike me as much. Apparently it is, because a to-die-for divorce resolution dies quite often. Almost one in two, it seems. Gee, then suddenly you're not so eager to get married either.
In an average happy marriage, there are five problems that cannot be solved. Now, my lover and I are not married, but if you've been together for nine years, I guess I'm allowed to weigh in. Actually, I think this is the best news of anything I have read so far on the better relationship front. My logic says it's better to accept a problem that can't be solved. Right? When I get home later, I am going to share this me-teen with him, as he is quite solution-oriented in nature. So can I explain to him in great detail, with required research results, that our differences in the household NEVER going to be solved. Read: I remain the very worst housewife in the universe.
How did I get all this wisdom? From relationship coach Paulien Timmer. She interviewed 100 happily married couples who have been together for more than 40 years. I give you some of her tips. The small moments do the most for your relationship. If you kiss for six seconds, the love hormone is already racing through the ranks. In addition, Paulien recommends cuddling for at least 10 seconds a day, and you should be each other's cheerleader. Crack open the champagne when things are going well, celebrate the other's successes. Finally, reserve five minutes a day to really look at the other person, listen and possibly fidget with each other. A lot can happen in five minutes, but of course that's up to you. Well, I love the news, so on the weekend.
So set the reminder, because the recipe for long and happy is: six seconds of kissing, ten seconds of cuddling, don't forget to celebrate your partner's beautiful moments and invest five minutes a day in your relationship. You can deduct those first 16 seconds of fidgeting, because they count too. By the way, Paulien also wrote a book with 50 more things you can do in those five minutes. Here's to a long and happy life.
